ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
Welcome back to our favorite adventure! Here, the crew’s happy times… will come to a stop.
Candied Island
“Bluuuurrrve. What is the status on the remaining Sugary Wonders?” Big Mom asked her subordinate.
“Black John called and reported they found Stewie unconscious at his secret base.” Augustus replied, a lollipop in his mouth. “Also, Sir Knightly reported succeeding in letting the Raccoon Pirates take the Rainbow Lolli in Cotton Clouds. He… was not sure on the objective, I think.”
“Muuurrrrrrfff!” Big Mom’s eyes reddened further, gripping her right armrest tight. “The aggravation those runts cause me is increasing! And their power… just how could they have clashed with Grim-Stare Mandy and survive?!”
“Well, because they had help from Henrietta Marzipan. My mom. Nickel Joe’s men reported seeing her, but fell unconscious due to Mandy’s attack, so they aren’t sure on the details. But they’ve deemed it the most likely reason for her defeat.”
“Hnnnn… Candy Hunter Henrietta was in the same crew as Gold-Fist Marine… so of course she would help Marine’s daughter. But those other kids… CAN’T be the other members’ children. Why would they… get mixed in with Gold-Fist?!”
“I don’t know. But looking at the photographs, I recognize one of the members as Haylee Gilligan. My mom’s friend’s daughter who I used to take on adventures with me. I dunno if she’s in Kids Next Door, but her parents were.”
“Maaaaa?! Every day, they get more suspicious. I just know they have some connection with Kids Next Door! Some elaborate disguise to keep from breaking our deal.”
“So, what? You gonna eat the girl?”
“Hnnnn… the time has come I deal with them once and for all. I will have my officers attack them at once… and THEY will determine once and for all, if these brats are KND-related. And if they are…” Her bloodshot eyes directed to Panini in her cell, her massive teeth drooling, “I’ll have the spiciest pancake I’ve ever feasted…”
Sunny Day
Night fell once more as the crew sailed away from Dressrosa. They had to rest the Rainbow Lolli on the deck, and saw its vibrant rainbow became one with darker, dimmer colors. “’Guess that whole ‘time of day’ thing was true.” Harry observed.
“Wanna test it and taste the test theory?” Haruka asked.
“Uhhh, huh?” asked Mason.
“Ugh. TASTE it and test the TASTE theory!”
“Heheh, I know. But we probably shouldn’t. Have you ever noticed that each Wonder has some kind of curse? Maybe the Blurpleberry and Fourth Flavor weren’t so bad, but, some of the Wonders required some kind of price or sacrifice.”
“Yeah, like killing the bunny. Or drawing the blood for the Licorice.” Aurora recalled. “And what about that Marshmallow? Just what happens after it hatches from its crystal?”
“Who knows.” Haylee said. “Even my mom didn’t know the whole story behind all of them. That’s why the Wonders are wonders. However, there’s one person I can think of that knows almost everything about them: the legendary chocolatier, Willy Wonka.”
“Hold up, hold up.” Artie spoke. “Before we try to find him, I just wanna know which Willy Wonka we’ll be meeting: the original one, or the creepy Johnny Depp adaptation?”
“Why wouldn’t you wanna meet Johnny Depp?” Aurora questioned.
“Because Willy Wonka looks like he wants ta lure those kids into his closet and do things!”
“Yeah, but in the end, BOTH Willy Wonkas got them kids killed.” Harry replied.
“All the more reason we shouldn‘t meet him!!”
“Not like we could.” Haylee said. “He died around 50 years ago. But no one knew more about candy than he did.”
“Then I guess the only thing to do is fish around for another mermaid and ask for help about the Eighth Wonder.” Dillon figured. “But with all of ‘em almost found, the Big Mom Pirates’ll be after us for sure.”
“Ahhhh, let ‘em come. Ah’ll send ‘em flying with my fists!” Sheila cracked her knuckles. “Not one of those mangy seadogs has beaten us, yet!”
“Yeah, beaten you…” Harry mumbled.
“Whuh was that?”
“Nothin’.”
Mason saw Carol standing by the railing, looking out at the sea. A glum look was on her face as she was lost in thought. “Hey, Carol… you feeling okay?” She turned to Mason.
“Oh, I’m fine.”
“It’s just by now, you’d be demanding me to rub your shoulders or something.” He chuckled sheepishly.
“I guess I’m just a little tired.” She turned back to the sea. “Mason… how did you and your friends get picked for KND?”
“Well, we signed up. ’Course, sometimes you need recommendations, but our parents were actually renowned operatives. Except for Sheila’s. That’s why they decided to take us, I guess.”
“Is that it?”
“No, there was training, too. You go to Antarctica and they test you with the various skills and positions, and see which one you’re best at. Spying, leading, piloting, general fighting, and of course teamwork. You don’t have to be good at everything, but you need at least one notable skill. For most operatives, it’s usually fighting or shooting. Heh-and almost EVERYONE’S a good shooter. Heheh.”
Carol began to feel doubt. She wasn’t good at anything they do—except throwing her money. But she wasn’t sure many other operatives did that. She hardly fought the major battles during their adventure, she hardly makes the tricky jumps without Mason carrying… and no way she could match up to Sheila’s monstrous strength.
Aurora released a long yawn, “Let’s figure out what to do tomorrow. It’s late, let’s get to bed.”
Everyone went into the cabin to sleep in their hammocks. But Kirie was still up, staring at the pile of Gold Wonka Bars she had collected. She cracked one open, and all it had was the delicious chocolate. She cracked another, but still the lovely delicacy. She cracked another… but to her surprise and wonder, a Golden Ticket. She turned the ticket over, finding part of a map on its back.
She brought all the other candybars outside, opening them all and finding more tickets with maps. She proceeded to line all the tickets like a puzzle, finding the parts of the maps that fit, and taking up most of the deck. The map was still incomplete in some areas, as they didn’t find all of the Wonka Bars. But she had enough to know it was a map of the world. There was a notable “W” near the coast between Canada and Alaska, close to where they were.
She wasn’t sure of the exact direction, it was north but she didn’t know where north was. But all she had to do was lay her bare hands on the tickets, and close her eyes. Her nose perked, facing to the right. She quickly went to grab the helm and began steering the ship that way.
The next morning…
“Uwaaaahhh…” moaned Mason as he and the other tired crewmembers stepped out of the cabin. They were a little surprised to see the ship moving on its own. Mason rushed further onto the deck and saw Kirie steering the helm. “Kirie! What’re you doing?”
The mute girl’s eyes were closed, and showed no signs of hearing him.
Everyone walked up as Haruka waved by her face. “It looks like she’s sleep-steering. ’Wonder how long she was up.”
“Probably a while. Check out this map.” Chris indicated the incomplete map made of Golden Tickets on the deck. Everyone walked over to study the map. “’Guess there was a purpose in those candybars.”
“So much for Golden Tickets being a rare thing.” Aurora mentioned.
“It looks like it’s mainly focused on that ‘W’.” Haruka pointed. “Wonder where it leads.”
“I have an idea.” Dillon responded, noticing the incoming fog.
“Kirie, don’t!” Haylee yelled. “You’ll never be able to see your way through a fog! Especially if your EYES ARE CLOSED.”
Eyes still shut, Kirie looked at Haylee with an assuring smile. They sailed calmly into the fog, their vision almost completely blocked by the utter whiteness. The ship was sailing straight to a jagged rock, and would likely be shattered to a million splinters upon impact. But right away, a blue fairy zipped to their right, and Kirie whipped the ship around. “WHOOOA!” The crew fell over. They were coming to another berg, but a yellow fairy soared left, making Kirie drive that way. A red fairy flew slightly right ahead, so Kirie turned the ship a little. In this blankness, those blue, yellow, and red lights guided Kirie safely through the dangers, even though the other members couldn’t see them.
They eventually made it through the fog, and the fairies left as Kirie sailed them to a deserted island. Still confused, they docked and followed Kirie through a jungle, the child skipping happily as her eyes were still closed. “Blimey, how much can one girl sleepwalk?” Sheila asked.
“She’s dreaming she’s you.” Chris remarked.
“I don’t see any tail.”
They shortly entered some ruins of small, gray structures. Kirie finally stopped and raised a hand for her friends to stop, too. She still had closed eyes as she examined the barren ruin. Her eyes shot open as she signed, It’s yooou!!
“…” They didn’t know who she was talking to.
I never thought I’d find you out here! I mean, my parents didn’t know you very well, but they told me!
…Still blank area.
So what happened? Why are you a ghostie now?
“Who is she talking to?” Haylee stated.
Why don’t my friends see you? It’s not like they’re gonna BITE!
…The air said nothing.
Well, is there anywhere to go?
…At this, Kirie skipped to a rock with a small hole. She stuck her retracted fan in and picked the lock. To their surprise, a secret staircase opened behind it, leading underground.
“Hoo…” Black John’s gigantic owl hovered over the island, seeing the kids before flying off.
The smell of chocolate reached their noses as they followed a deep, underground hall. It was lit with torches, and a strange music echoed, a mix of cheerful and eeriness in its notes. The cave finally led them to a set of four doors as a distant voice spoke. “Ladies and gentlemen… if you are here, that means you have deciphered the puzzle of my Golden Ticket Map. I am pleased to introduce you to, the one and only…” The doors opened as a display of animated robotic children began to sing in a candy wonderland.
“Willy Wonka! Willy Wonka! The amazing chocolatier! Willy Wonka! Willy Wonka! He’s a genius, he is near—Willy WOOONKAAA, HERE HEEE IIIIIIS!” In just seconds, the children all short-circuited and exploded to fireworks.
EEEEEEK! Kirie’s hair stood straight when a severed head landed beside her.
They looked curiously at the burning stage, but nothing seemed to be happening. No one was appearing out of nowhere. The kids shrugged and decided to enter their selves, with Aurora sucking the fires in her hands and absorbing them. It became darker as they progressed, but started to look less like a cave, and more like the lobby of a building. “Eleven strangers… in a strange world…” They turned with a start, seeing an ancient, withered man in a top-hat. Several licorice cords connected to his back, leading into the wall. He weakly stood and limped forward with a cane. “What is real… what is pretend… I’ve long forgotten…” he spoke lowly.
“Uncle FACILIER??” Artie questioned.
“No, Dummy.” Harry said. “That’s…”
“Willy Wonka…” Haylee looked with utter shock.
“Aren’t you supposed to be dead?” Chris asked.
“Fifty years ago, when the demons attacked the world… I tried to protect my factory… by using my magic to transport it to Loompa Land.”
“TOLD you he had magic.” Artie said.
“But the Big Mom Pirates found us… and demanded candy payments. When we refused… they destroyed this place. What remains of my prized factory… now lies underground, with the remaining Oompa-Loompas. This island is rich with strong, sugary life-force, and that’s being used to… keep me alive.”
“But why would you choose to stay alive this long?” Aurora asked. “Not that I’m not afraid of dying, but… it feels a lot easier becoming a spirit.”
“Maybe I felt the need to… wait for somebody. Somebody who will… finally stop the pirates.”
“Just how long have the Big Moms been around?” Chris asked.
“They’ve been around… longer than I can remember. The leaders of each generation… are part of a family with unnaturally adapted sugar levels. Their only lust is candy… especially the Eight Sugary Wonders.”
“Where do the Sugary Wonders come from, anyway?” Dillon asked.
“It’s an old story… It dates back to the First Generation of Kids Next Door. The Supreme Leader wanted to reward his loyal operatives for their victory against the Underworld Army… and wished to bake a cake made from the greatest candies one could find. Of course… such candies were impossible to find… so he pleaded to the gods. Five of the Eight Firstborn granted him seven candies… plucked from a luscious landscape the gods baked long ago during their construction of Earth: Candied Island.
“From those Seven Wonders, the Supreme Leader composed a recipe, using the seven candies and a few extra ingredients… and created the one true cake of his dreams. The cake, which would make any child drool with lust… just by staring. That Supreme Leader… had a sister. And he allowed her the first taste of the cake. That one taste… drove her to madness. She wanted it all, and didn’t want to share with anyone. With the greatest hunger, and most ravenous eyes, she attempted to devour it all. Her brother was warned by the Firstborn, that any cake composed from those Seven Candies would have drastic results, if completely eaten by a single person. That’s why… the brother tried to stop his sister from consuming it… but she wouldn’t listen.
“The candies composed of unnatural powers, granted by the gods, soon resided in the stomach of that one little girl. The unimaginable sugar molded with her bloodstream and DNA. She was no longer human… but a nauseating monster, one that looked so tasty, other kids couldn’t help but try to eat her. But the candies granted her powers, too… powers that matched those of the gods or demons. She destroyed every person that tried to eat her… and became lost from the world. The brother never saw her again.
“However, both people lived, and grew old to get married to have kids of their own, despite the sister’s mutation. However, the sister’s children struggled to survive because of the candied DNA from their mother… and to keep them alive, she transferred her own essence into them. From that moment on… every child down that bloodline was born with unnatural sugar levels and lust for candy. But because of the sister’s death, the Sugary Wonders were reborn in the forms of other candies. The reason for her sacrifice… is that she, herself, would’ve died, regardless. Her sugar levels would’ve fainted, and she’d be a withered sweet, especially if her essence was split. Every child down that bloodline would have the same eventual fate.
“And that is why… the sister stole her brother’s recipe, and passed it down. Each new generation was to find the Seven Wonders and create the cake again, ensuring the bloodline of their children would continue to thrive. They did so… in their quest to find a way they could live in peace, and keep living despite their curses. The last generation to bake the cake… were three triplets, Beth, Amy, and Meg. The virus resided in their mother, inside them all… but the triplets lived, by the powers of their husbands.”
Chris and Aurora were dumbstruck. “Does that mean…” Aurora began.
“The Triplets, a-… Big Mom…” Chris couldn’t finish.
“Amy married the Demon King, Malladus, and Meg married Yin-Yang Spirit, Hannibal… and both demons extracted the curses from their wives. Beth, however… married a normal human, and the curse continued down her bloodline. The newest generation… is now Charlotte Linlin.”
“BIG MOM IS OUR AAAAAUNT!” the Unos and Dimalantas screamed.
“Well, at least you guys don’t have the curse.” Haylee said. “But Mr. Wonka… how do you know all this?”
The man’s head sunk. “My ancestor… was Carl Linlin. The brother. His sister… was Sherry Linlin. The one who fell to the curse… and Charlotte Linlin’s ancestor. (Take note, even though girls were born in the family and got married, they still kept the family name. Except the Triplets, who married demons.) And that is why… Charlotte is desperate to find this cake. Her lifespan is longer than previous generations so far… but she fears falling ill to the curse soon. But as the previous generations searched the Seven Wonders, they gathered a crew of candy connoisseurs and formed their own pirate crew. In time, they started to call their selves the Linlin Pirates, the first pirates to search for candy. They’ve inspired other candy lovers to become Candy Pirate crews themselves.”
“Wait wait wait!” spoke Haylee. “What’s this about SEVEN Wonders, where’s the Eighth Wonder??”
“Oh, right. I’m old, sorry if I’m forgetful. The Eighth Wonder… is Candied Island itself. It isn’t included in the recipe… but it has a great, tremendous oven, the only oven that could possibly bake the Wonders together, into their true, succulent glory.”
“So that means, we’ve basically FOUND all of the Wonders!” Haylee deduced. “Except Easter Bunny and Stalks!”
“Which means the Big Moms will DEFINITELY be after us.” Dillon knew.
“I don’t know what it is you kids are up to… but I caution you. In each generation, the Linlins would do anything for candy. Their sugarified blood-sugar levels… drive them mad.”
“We’ve dealt with worse.” Chris said. “But thanks for the info. We kinda miss the days where these important villain revelations come immediately instead of later.”
“Eh, this still felt kinda random.” Haylee said.
Almost instantly, the entire cave shook. “Well, that’s rude…” Wonka said.
“Uwuuuh, whuwas that?” Sheila moaned, waking up.
“WERE YOU SERIOUSLY ASLEEP THIS WHOLE TIME?!” her friends screamed.
“Never mind, let’s move!” Chris yelled, and they all rushed outside. (Play the “Seer: Descend” theme from Homestuck.)
The cave closed as soon as the kids were out, and rushed through the jungle in fear that their ship was in danger. “The Big Moms might be already-” But when they made it to shore, they stopped with utter fright: indeed, the Big Moms were already here, all their top commanders. Black John with his evil grin, Nickel Joe and his sly grin, Fat Jack and his unchanged, slobbery expression, Stewie, Rallo, and Sir Knightly. The Big Ma’am was parked behind the Sunny, and Maggie was perched atop its sail.
“We’ve let ye kiddies roam around long enough.” John stated. “It’s time ye finally learned… the Sugary Wonders belong to our captain! And any runt who dare say otherwise, belong on her menu.”
“We’ve got ya cornered now, slicks.” Joe flipped. “We’ll give ya a chance to run with pee drippin’ down your pants.”
Sheila wasn’t going to take that. She would take them here, once and for all. “HuuuuUUUUH!” She ran forth, fist spinning and aiming at John, but before it could make contact, Fat Jack jumped in the way, catching Sheila’s fist in his belly and bouncing her away. She tried to recover, but Black John zipped above her and stabbed a Finger Pistol through her stomach. “Ulp!”
John then zipped back beside his cohorts. “…Grrrrr! ATTACK!” Chris declared, and the 10 other crewmembers charged in. Haylee searched around for Maggie, but was startled when a bullet grazed her right waist. She looked up and saw Maggie on the Big Ma’am’s crow’s nest, quite a far distance for her to reach. She growled at the 1-year-old, but before she could think, Maggie blasted a quick round of bullets, grazing many parts of Haylee’s body.
Dillon ran at Nickel Joe, who still kept his sly grin, and the boy dodged as Joe hurled his exploding nickels. Dillon blew Shadow Breath at Joe, but he jumped overhead and tossed toothpicks to bind Dillon’s shoes to the ground. “Hey, Toothpick!” After landing, he looked to face Carol. “How ‘bout an extra 20 CENTS?” She threw a quarter at his face, but he merely smacked it away.
“Heh. That weren’t nearly enough force. Let me show how it’s done.” He held both hands behind his back, his left reaching in his back pocket as it touched a nickel. His right hand was open as another nickel spawned, and he proceeded to flick that at Carol and blow her away. “Waaaaah!”
Artie watched that with worry, and- “Ahem.” gasped when he saw Stewie giving a glare, wielding a ray gun.
Artie shook off his fear and glared determinedly at Stewie. “WAAAAH!” He ran forth, aiming to punch, but Stewie fired his shrink ray and made Artie 2 inches tall. “Ulp!” Artie looked at the giant baby with fright. “Waaaaah!” And ran fast as his little legs could.
Mason and Haruka teamed up and sent poisonous gas at Fat Jack, and Chris and Aurora shot flames to set this gas on fire. But Fat Jack was unphased, as he inhaled all of this gas and fire like it was nothing. His skin turned red in the belly, but he shot the fire straight back and blew the Dimalantas away, while the Unos dodged.
“Eeeeeee!” Tiny Artie ran from Stewie as the larger baby blasted lasers at him, which were obviously far bigger. When Stewie had a clear shot and locked on, a hand swooped and saved Artie from obliteration. He found himself safe in the warmth of Kirie’s sleeves. “Hehe! Thanks, Kir!” he said with great relief.
Kirie smiled to her friend before tucking him under her sweater. She glared at the baby and drew her fans, running to attack him.
After dodging Jack’s attack, Chris ran into Sir Knightly. “Ahooooy! Helloooo, Chrisie-senpaaaai! I hope you enjoyed my watermelons, ‘cause NOW you’ll face THIS:” Chris kept guard as Knightly got in a fighting pose. “HAND TO THE GROUND ATTACK!” He pressed his hand to and gripped the ground tight. “Nnn… that’s it.”
“RAAAAH!” Chris jumped and KICKED Knightly across the head, knocking him down. His flames alit, Chris proceeded to beat Knightly to a pulp, but he couldn’t tell if damage was being done through his armor.
With her brother occupied, Aurora faced a grinning Black John. She punched fire at the pirate, but John used Shave and warped to Aurora’s left, punching her away. She tried to throw more fires that John easily dodged, grabbing Aurora’s shoulder once he made it and throwing her skyward. “Moon Walk!” He jumped as high as her, his fingers ready. “Finger Pistol!”
“Mmmm!” Her eyes widened when the fingers pierced her rear.
“Extended Sentence: 500 MORE YEARS!!” And she flew several meters.
Kirie swiftly dodged Stewie’s missiles and made it to the baby, grabbing the sides of his head, flipping upside-down above him, and KICKING him in the face. Ope! She jumped back when the kick barely budged him at all.
Stewie lightly rubbed his nose. “Sigh, you can never find a good man nowadays to do that.”
What’s WITH this baby?? Kirie questioned. Stewie whipped out a grappling hook and launched it to Kirie, pulling himself over, swinging around to tie her up, and let her fall down.
Artie climbed out the bottom of Kirie’s sweater and frightfully ran, but- “AAAAAHH!” Stewie pinned him under his foot and added pressure. “Aaaaack-k-k…” Artie’s stick-like bones were breaking.
As Harry watched Artie’s tiny form be squished like a stick, and Haylee leaking with blood as a barrage of bullets pierced her… Harry wasn’t sure how to protect them both, but now he wouldn’t need to. “Yo yo, is that best you got?” sang Rallo as Harry began dancing against his will. “Yo’ time is up, you about to get served, pain and ‘miliation like you never heard. Ain’tchu got swag ‘cause you a disgrace, you like a clown after pie done covered your face!”
“Uhh-” Harry shook to his senses, “You think you can break me, ‘cause I tell you some’, this pirate crew gonna kick your bum-”
“Oh you are, just whatchu gonna do, I admit you bust some impressive moves, I ain’t see no butts no gettin’ kicked, when trouble comes knockin’, it’s the floor you lick.”
“Er, but-”
“AAH! NO BUTS! My point is quite clear! You ‘fraidy kitty, no, ‘fraidy DEER. Get in yo’ thick head, you just a wimp! Even yo’ BRAIN’S not as good to match this pimp! Where’s yo’ bustin’ rhymes, yo’ bustin’ groove? I only see bustin’ done by your CAPTAIN, DUDE! Your sailing days now reach their end. The sea NO PLACE for you man, COME BACK when you over TEN!”
And Rallo blasted a storm of music that pelted Harry all around. The older triplet was left a bloody mess as he fell defeated.
Aurora awoke and ran at Black John again, but he easily zipped over and pelted her with Finger Pistols. As Aurora fell to her knees in pain, John tore open a rift to send a swarm of ghouls at the girl. As they all flew through Aurora’s body like nothing, she felt her very strength and energy fade.
“Guh! Guh! Guh! Guh! Guh!” Chris continuously punched Sir Knightly’s helmet, but no sign showed of him taking pain. Chris finally got off after a while, but Sir Knightly jumped to his feet.
“I’m still aliiiive!”
“HUUUU!” Chris tackled him again. “Guh! Guh! Guh! Guh! Guh! Guh!”
Fat Jack leaped above Mason and Haruka and came down with a Ground Pound, but the two dodged aside. Haruka came at him with a Poison Sting and tried to stick his belly, but his thick squishy belly proved impenetrable still. When he bounced her away, Mason sent Gas Bombs at him, but Jack caught them in his mouth and let them explode inside, his belly puffing with little bursts.
With that, Jack pulled out a Shrink Sweet and swallowed, and he now looked the size of a little bouncy rubber ball. “Well, he just made this easier.” Mason exchanged smiles with Haruka.
“Weight-Weight BULLET Bomb.” But fast as a bullet, the little Fat Jack shot at Mason and Haruka, from all directions until they were knocked down completely. Fat Jack ate a Growth Gum and grew to normal size, leaping high in the heavens above Mase and Haru. “Weight-Weight Squishy SQOO.” The twins felt their bones squish under his unbearable weight.
“Shadow Possession!” Dillon stretched his shadow to catch Nickel Joe, but he leapt overhead to throw coins around the shadowbender, exploding and covering Dillon with soot, knocking him out. Joe directed his attention back at Carol, his sly grin making her shudder. He shot over and kicked her in the face, knocking her out just like that.
Sheila gripped her stomach, panting angrily as she recovered. Mason and Haruka crushed under Fat Jack’s weight, Dillon and Carol injured, Artie flattened under Stewie’s foot, Haylee and Harry fallen to Maggie and Rallo’s attacks… there was only Chris, who was mindlessly punching Knightly. But with all the others done, the Big Mom Pirates walked up to Sheila. The raccoon spun her fist, charged over, but Stewie shot his anti-gravity bubble to make her float up. Rallo threw music notes to pop her bubble and damage, then Maggie proceeded to pelt her with bullets. When she fell back down, Fat Jack bounced her to Joe, who forcefully kicked her to John, who raised his cloak of spiked lollies and let Sheila stick. With that, the vice-captain grabbed and threw Sheila away. (End song.)
“HUH! HUH! HUH! HUH!” Chris kept punching Knightly, desperate to beat him. “Huh… huh… huff… siiiigh…” He just couldn’t keep going.
“HYAA-AAH!” The knight kicked Chris off. “NOW YOU fell for my trap! All your beatings gave me power for… AWESOME DEATH OPEN-HAND-THROW ATTACK!” He threw his hand open at Chris. “…That’s it.”
“That’ll do, Sir Knightly.” said Black John as he held Chris up by the hair. “Lala, Dearie. Come out here and confirm something.”
The three-eyed woman came out and pressed her closed left eye to Chris’s right. A band of Tediz also set up the large hologram projector to give Big Mom a view of the show. “The moment of truth is NOW, Big Mom…” Black John said. “The moment we see, once and for all… if these brats are who they aaaarrre.”
Lala carefully skimmed Chris’s mind. He and his sector flew in the storm caused by Phosphora, he fought with the decommissioners against the Teens, and they attended the GKND’s party. A more recent memory, him and Aurora in their house as Cheren spoke with them. “All your boogers are removed from the Code Module. Now that you’re no longer Kids Next Door, you should be able to safely locate Panini and fight these pirates.”
“I sure hope this works…” Aurora said.
Lala pulled away from Chris, who was now barely conscious due to his endless onslaught. “WELL? …WHAT IS IT?” demanded Big Mom.
Lala turned and faced her with all 3 eyes. “…They are Kids Next Door.”
“RAAAAAHH!” Big Mom’s eyes shook. “YOOOU thought you could lie to CHARLOTTE LINLIN? You, who have defied the will of the Linlin Family, as ALL other generations of snot-nosed brats have done before me. WHAT have you to say for yourself?!”
Sheila wouldn’t let it go down like this. She stood up firmly and yelled with the greatest sureness, “WE’RE NOT KIDS NEXT DOOR!!!”
The Big Moms were struck speechless. Even though the truth was found out… she sounded so sure. So convincing. …She was a good liar.
“ENOUGH of your LIIIIES! Briiing meee… THE PRISONER!!”
Big Mom’s henchmen, Pekoms and Tamago, retrieved an unconscious Panini from her cell and presented her to their captain. Big Mom grabbed the Drilovsky girl in her large hand. “Dinner… is… served… AAAAHHHH!”
The Raccoons barely had their eyes open, but it was clear as day. Panini was so tiny compared to her mouth, so she fit perfectly. Panini slid down Big Mom’s slobbery tongue and into the deep darkness that was her stomach. She closed her mouth as a lump traveled down her shadowy neck. Big Mom rubbed her stomach softly. “Aaaahhh… soooo gooood… I haven’t tasted anything more spicy in AAAAGEEEES! But THIS was only the first course of their punishment. We must now… BURN the state of Virginia to ASHES! All the screaming morsels, hearts beating out of fear… they will make EXCELLENT appetizers! Leave the crew to their waste… and let them feel the shame of it all.” The screen vanished.
“Ahhh, what a fine day this was.” Black John smoked a candle. “ACQUIRE the Sugary Wonders and let us go.”
“Laaa la la, humans squished, laaa la la, sad sad sad.” sang the Big Ma’am.
Stewie shot Chris and Sheila with a dart gun, making them sleepy. Soon, the 11 kids fell to sleep completely, helpless as the pirates raided their ship.
Five hours later…
They remained unconscious until that night. When Aurora came to, her vision was blurry, and a brown-topped being was standing over her. Her vision cleared to reveal the concerned face of her brother, Cheren. “Aurora. You okay?”
“Uhhh… yeah.”
Everyone else awakened, their forms still bruised. “Oi, Cherry? Wot are you doing here?” asked Sheila.
“I’ve been using Fi all this time to track Aurora and Chris’s movement. When you guys didn’t move for a time, she sensed your energy level weakened, so I… So what happened here?”
“The Big Moms kinda threw a surprise party.” Haylee responded. “Without all the balloons and snacks, and kinda focused heavily on the wild beatings. It was probably one of those gang parties.”
“They certainly don’t treat their action figures with respect.” squeaked the tiny Artie.
They climbed onto the deck of the Sunny and found the Rainbow Lolli gone. They searched the refrigerator, seeing the Fourth Flavor gone, the Blurple Supreme, and even their sack of Caramels. “All the Sugary Wonders are gone…” Haylee said with remorse.
“Waited ‘til we found them all for ‘em.” Harry said. “Classic cheats…”
“And… Cheren…” Aurora spoke with the greatest regret. “They found out we were Kids Next Door. Big Mom… ate… Panini.”
All the color faded from Cheren’s face. He fell to his knees, unable to believe it. “…I’m sorry, Bro.”
Cheren closed his eyes and shook with bottled rage. It looked like he was going to explode at any minute. “This is all… YOUR FAULT!” He swung his fist and punched Sheila across the cheek, knocking her back. Everyone wore looks of shock as Sheila gripped her cheek. “If YOU didn’t come up with this crazy plan to begin with, and let us keep track of you, we could’ve thought of something and saved Panini TOGETHER! But inSTEAD, you had to insist we break coms with you, and THEN you wind up getting CAUGHT! You and your DUMB adventures.”
Sheila fumed in anger, running forth to PUNCH Cheren with greater force, sending him across the deck as his nose bled. “AT LEAST I crave EXCITEMENT! Not like you boring desk-jockeys who have NO interest in life! Why didn’t ya hang out and spend more time with her, then you coulda been there and saved her from getting KIDNAPPED!”
“That’s not the POINT!” He ran to deal another punch, until Sheila grabbed his arm, but he threw his other fist and socked her. “You were SUPPOSED to save Panini, but you WASTED all this time, and-” As he talked, the two kept trying to punch each other.
Finally, Aurora jumped between and unleashed a burst of fire, startling the two still as she covered in flames. “That’s ENOUGH.” Her flames vanished. “Cheren, we ALL agreed on Sheila’s plan, so it’s just as much OUR fault.”
“…Siiigh.” He figured it was pointless to argue. “Forget it. The mission’s a bust. Let’s just go back to Moonbase and have you all reinstated.” He typed on his wristwatch monitor.
“We weren’t on any mission, Mate.” Cheren looked up angrily, seeing Sheila’s serious eyes. “The minute we disbanded from the Kids Next Door, we became our own mates. So we formed a crew and sailed around to do whatever we want. Searchin’ these candies was only a portion of the adventures we woulda had.”
“Grrrr, of COURSE you’re still Kids Next Door! Your mission was to disconnect from all communications with us and pose as pirates until you rescued one of our comrades. I’ll still allow you to come back to KND, but once you do, AURORA will be the leader, and you aren’t leading a team EVER aga-”
“I ain’t GONNA come back!” Sheila stomped up to the keel and took her seat, facing the sea. “I’m gonna stay here and have adventures.” She pumped her left fist. “I’m Sunny-Fist Sheila of the Raccoon Pirates. I’M the captain of this vessel, NOT YOU!”
“…Fine. But I’m calling a transport for the rest of you.” Cheren continued typing. “That is, unless you wanna stay, too.” Everyone exchanged worried glances.
“Well? DO YOU??” Sheila questioned.
They all looked down in regret. “Sheila… it was good while it lasted… but we ain’t cut for the sea.” Harry said. “We just ain’t into this whole thing as you. Besides… we probably just slow you down. Looking back, when’ve you really needed us? You always kickin’ the bad guy’s butt yourself, we barely even help. Except when they all decided to gang up on us, we attacked ‘em together, and still couldn’t help. We’re better off just gettin’ help from the whole team. I mean, since Panini’s already…”
“The adventure was fun, Sheila, but ultimately, most of us were focused on the mission.” Aurora followed. “We still considered ourselves Kids Next Door operatives, and it was our mission to save a comrade. Even if we enjoyed the fresh air, the sea… we’re operatives first. Not pirates…”
Sheila turned back to the sea. “So that’s it then… the Raccoon Pirates’ just down to one.”
“Yeah… I guess so.” Aurora replied with remorse.
“Fine then, go away. There ain’t no room on my ship for blokes ‘o don’t seek adventures. I’ll challenge giant monsters ‘o threaten to snack on me to a duel, and I’ll sail headfirst into Big Mum’s den and whoop them all. If no one wants to come with me, that’s all crikey.”
“So it’s decided…” Cheren spoke lowly.
Eventually, the transport ship came, and the crew began to get on. “Wait a second, who is this?” Cheren asked, noticing Carol.
“Oh, this is Carol.” Mason said. “Friend of mine. She wanted to join KND after this.”
“Oh. Well, we’re holding Cadet Training still…”
“Um, actually… I’m not sure if I want to, anymore.” Carol said with doubt. “I think I was just… speaking on impulse. Like how I want a new parakeet or my own driver’s license… maybe Kids Next Door isn’t right for me.”
“Are you… Really?…” Mason asked.
“Yeah… I just don’t think I have the strength…” She glanced at Sheila.
Their former captain was still seated on the keel, facing the sea. Even Cheren was gonna be sad she wasn’t coming back. She was one of the strongest operatives, and very spirited to boot. If not her strength, a lot of them could probably use her spirit. But he sensed that she made her decision… and would stick with it.
“I hope we haven’t forgotten my little dilemma!” Artie squeaked, sitting on Haylee’s shoulder.
“Yeah yeah, we’ll visit the Charitons.” Haruka stated.
The engines roared as the ship finally took off. Mason stared out the window, watching the Sunny shrink in the distance. Sheila’s defection would hurt him the most… just like Dillon with Vanellope’s. Sector V was falling apart.
Sheila turned and saw the ship leaving. “Siiigh. Well, ’guess it’s time I be hittin’ the waves, too.” She walked up to the helm and gripped it in both hands. She turned it mindlessly, going nowhere. “Oh, I guess I should pull up the anchor.” She went below and hauled the giant mass up, tucking it inside. “And the sails.” She unfurled the sails as the wind breezed. “And let my adventures commence.” And so, she sailed from the island, to the distant seas that called. (Play “Sailing No More” by Randy Newman.)
Sheila sailed miles from the island, but the seas hadn’t changed. The water calm, the starry sky peaceful, and near absolute quiet and loneliness. One wouldn’t believe she had her own band of pirates this morning. The energy and vibrance that the Sunny Day once brought was no more. Its youthful crew was down to only one. And one she shall be.
Sheila always wanted to leave the Kids Next Door and become a pirate, and her dream had come true. She worked for no one, and took no orders. She was a free person on the sea, and she could go anywhere. Her mom was the greatest pirate she knew, and she inherited her strength. No matter what challenge awaited, she would take it.
The seas waved up and down as Sheila sailed her ship through a fierce storm. It lasted forever and threatened never to stop.
But it did, and that was when a giant frog emerged from the sea. It hopped at Sheila, hungry for a snack. It could’ve swallowed her tiny vessel whole, but the superior raccoon spun her fist and launched a powerful Light Sphere, striking him dead in the face and knocking him out.
Clouds filled the sky again as blizzards rained, making Sheila shiver furiously. She fought the cold with all her strength, and kept sailing.
And the skies were clear as Sheila finally decided to stop the boat. She lay on the keel on her front, letting her arms and legs dangle over either side. She never looked so dead, so drained of all her energy. A man’s deep singing echoed in the distance, along with his strumming guitar. She glanced right, seeing a Jamaican man slowly sail on his small boat, singing this tune as he strummed this instrument. “And I… will go sail… nooo moooore…” (End song.)
“Hello, Numbuh 1-Love.” she greeted with no enthusiasm.
“Sheila, Mon! How is your sailing going?”
“Ehhh… not so well.”
“Aww, that’s too bad. But very strange how it turned stormy, a sea monster came, and it snowed all in the span of an hour. Well, I’m going to get back to Naomi. I’m not sure how I got out here, Mon.” With that, he rowed away.
“Siiiiigh.”
“Heh, song wasn’t quite accurate, huh?” Sheila’s ears perked, turning to see none other than Mason with a sheepish smile.
She sat up and turned fully. “Mason? What the devil’re you doing here?”
“I came on the escape pod. Hehe.” He indicated the crashed pod on the deck. “Because… I couldn’t bear to leave you behind. Even if we’re not operatives… we’re best friends for life.”
She gave a warm smile. “…Thanks, Mate.”
The two climbed and sat atop the sail, staring at the starry sky and full moon. “Sheila… I’m sorry about what happened earlier.”
“Oh, it ain’t your fault. But blimey… Cheren has anger issues.” She rubbed her jaw.
“I think I understand… part of the reason everyone left. They all didn’t feel right for this job. They couldn’t match up to your strength, that’s why they ultimately believed this whole thing shouldn’t have been attempted. I mean, to be fair, Sheila, you’re kind of overpowered.”
“Well, it wasn’t about the mission or how it would go, Mate. All I wanted to do was show them how much they’re missing. I wanted them to know that life wasn’t all about missions. It’s about having fun, too.”
“Well, they just didn’t see it that way. To them, it was mostly about… do the mission, see if this method works… but without the Kids Next Door to back ‘em up, they were ultimately pretty weak. Compared to you or Chris.”
“It’s their own fault that they’re weak. If they were as pumped for adventure as I was, they woulda had more fighting spirit!”
“Maybe… but that’s what made you so special to begin with. That’s why you were so strong. And everyone else knew that, too. That’s why… they didn’t feel they belonged under you. Because they weren’t as passionate.” (Play “Despair” from Naruto: Shippuden.)
“…”
“But you know… the King of the Pirates was probably the same way. He might’ve been so strong… that he just didn’t need his crew. They just… slowed him down. But if I could imagine… sailing on these big open seas… not a care in the world, no one to look after me… I’d feel pretty lonely. It’s so quiet and serene, and even with that feeling of freedom easing your heart, making you happy… you still feel empty inside. Like something’s… just missing.”
“…”
“But there was one pirate… who was greater than all the others.” Marine said. “’e was the King. And he sailed this WHOLE world. Legends say that before ‘e passed on, he left a GREAT treasure, the most amazin’ treasure anyone’s evuh seen. ‘e told the world, if they wanted ‘is treasure, they could have it. But they’d have ta find it. And so… hundreds o’ pirates, all over the world, set sail to find it.
“Didju ever try to find the treasure, Mum?”
“Weeell, Oi did. But then Oi found me own treasure.”
“Really?? Wot??”
“You.” She smacked Sheila’s back. “You’re the shiniest treasure I evuh coulda had. And I want ya to have a happy life.”
“…”
The Boogey Bay and the Sneaky Dinga sailed separate ways after their squabble. “Marine, vhy are ve sailing back home?” Henrietta asked. “Don’t you vant to plant zis seed?”
“Yeh, but… ya ever think there’s a greater treasure out there? One that’s… a little closer than ya might think.”
“Like wot, Cap’n?” Colonel asked.
Marine looked to the sunny heavens. “Just someone… you c’n tell all about your adventures.”
…That’s just what… her mother found, wasn’t it.
A normal summer’s day as Marine was walking along the beach. She looked at the ocean and saw bubbles rising in one spot. She dove in and gasped, seeing her little daughter unconscious as bubbles floated from her mouth, her foot stuck in a gap.
Marine pulled her free and to the beach before forcefully punching her stomach, forcing the water out. “Blimey, Sheila, what were you doing under there??”
“I thought there might be more rippuh stuff, so I swam under to look.”
“Crikey, if you were gonna swim in the ocean by yourself, come on and tell me first!!”
“But YOU let me swim in by myself YESTERday!!”
“Yeh, but at least I had the courtesy to watch you! Don’t evuh do somethin’ that crazy by yourself ever again!”
“Why not?? YOU’RE the one ‘o keeps telling me to take chances!”
“Siiiigh. I have to commend you for that, Sheila. And when you start havin’ adventures, I reckon you’ll make a few mistakes ‘r so. That’s part of the experience. But promise me somethin’: no matter how strong a sheila you get… don’t evuh go on adventures alone. The experience is that much more ripper… when you have someone to share it with.” She smiled. “People you c’n share reactions with, ya know? People ta get scared with ya when the ghosts come. But most importantly… PEOPLE TA GET YOU OUT OF WATER WHEN YA START DROWNING!”
“I’M NOT dumb enough to do that TWICE, Mum!”
“I know ya aren’t, Sheila.” Marine bonked Sheila’s noggin. “But one of your mates might, and he’ll need saving. But also… he’ll save your bum if ya do it again. Whether you’re pirates or those cruddy Kids Next Door… always share your experiences with some mates.”
“…Mase… just what is a leader, anyway?”
“Hm?” He looked at her quizzically. “Well… a leader is someone who ensures victory for their team. They lead them on the right path, and they draw energy from their team, too. Well… that’s what I kinda thought.”
“…Me mum would be ashamed.”
“Ahhh, no she wouldn’t, Sheila. She probably would’ve done the same thing.”
“Ehh…”
“…?” Mason looked down behind, noticing some tiny, glowing crumbs on the railing. “Hey, Sheila.” He jumped down, Sheila following, finding the dim crumbs. “They look like… pieces of the Rainbow Lolli.”
“Oi, yeh… They musta bumped and broken it when they carried.”
“Probably Sir Knightly.”
“Well, now’s our chance to taste it, eh?”
“Yeah… but it’s kinda dead.”
“’ang on.” Sheila scooped the pieces in her hands and lit them with light. The crumbs absorbed the light and glowed with rainbow colors. “It works! Let’s give ‘em a go!”
Mason took a few pieces and ate, and Sheila ate hers. “…So how do you feel?”
“I feel… a little strange.” Sheila replied. “Like…Like I…” (Play the “Trickster Mode” theme from Homestuck.)
Sheila and Mason became sugary, candy-coated versions of their former selves, dancing with the craziest sugar rush they ever had. The Sunny Day became bright again with their colors, and things never looked brighter. “AAAAAAHH!” They ran around and around the ship, fast as rockets. They met back on the deck. “MASOOOON! THIS IS SO COOOOL!”
“I KNOW! HEY SHEILA!! LET’S GET MARRIED AND HAVE TONS OF BABIES!”
“YEH, MASON! TOOOONS OF BABIIIEEES!”
Both friends shook, and in seconds- “WOOOOOO!” flew away like rockets, Sheila using her tail, and Mason with a Gas Rocket… from his rear.
They flew around and around and around the world, the scenery switching from day, to night, to day again. “WOOHOOOO!” They soared over Egypt. “YEEEEEAH.” Over London’s Big Ben. “WOOHOOOO!” Over Mt. Rushmore. “WHOO-OOOHHH.” All the way across the Great Wall of China.
Sabaody Park
In a peaceful green park where large bubbles floated, Henrietta waited patiently as Sandy used some rope to catch large bubbles in the air, pulling them down so Jessie could stuff them in a bubble bottle. “Are you kids almost finished? Vhat do you need all zese bubbles for, anyvay?”
“Don’t worry, lady, we’ll be done soon.” Jessie assured. “Keep your woman undies on.”
Henrietta rolled her eyes and faced up at the night sky. “WOOOO!” A green and red smoke line cut across the dark-blue sky, created by Mason and Sheila.
Henrietta’s eyes widened. “Kids, let’s go!” She quickly grabbed Sandy and Jessie and threw ‘em in her helicopter. “Ve have to make another stop!”
“Sheesh, and she was bitching about our stops.” Jessie commented as the helicopter took off. (End song.)
Candied Island
Big Mom relaxed on her throne while the dinner settled in her stomach, her mouth still drooling with acid. She looked up when Augustus entered the chamber. “Black John and the others have returned have successfully acquired the Sugary Wonders from the Raccoons. They now aim to get the Licorice Stalks, which should be full grown by now.”
“Nyaaaaa. After soooo many long yeeeears. My ancestors’ birthday cake… the cake only a god could produce… shall once again, be reunited with my taste buds!”
“But what about what you promised me?” Augustus asked. “You said there was something greater than Candied Island OR the cake. You said you would bring us… to the promised land. And that’s where we would never have to worry about our virus!”
“And I will, Augustus…” Big Mom finally stood and stomped forward. In the light, she was a tremendous woman with a big nose to go with her almost perfectly round face. She had pink puffy hair that went to her elbows, wore a pink dress with dark-pink polka-dots, and black high-heels on her big feet. But whether shadowed or not, her bloodshot eyes, chunky white teeth, and plump body were very noticeable. “But first… we must teach the Raccoons a lesson. We will send the Demon Sweets and BURN Virginia to ashes. And if they manage to avoid incineration… well… they won’t for long.”
Big Mom stomped into a lower chamber, pitch-black and roaring with creatures who were down in a deep, vast dungeon. “CHIIIILDREEEEN! Your wait is no more! The SWEET to end all sweets will soon be forged in my bakery! And YOU will have the first dish: a region which has broken their agreement with me! DESTROY Virginia and let their crumbling be a lesson to all others!”
“NYAAAAAYYYY!” The monsters roared with excitement; venomous Licorice Snakes, Hamhurters, and Kill-Kats.
“I am glad to finally take you all to the promised land… The only sweet superior to Candied Island, OR EVEN the luscious cake. As of this moment…” Her bloodshot eyes shook with ravenousness, “PROJECT: CANDIED PLANET IS NOW IN MOTION!”
And soooo the drama chapteeeerr. But yeah, the ending arc is now here, so it’s time to prepare for our final showdowns. Take this moment to guess which Raccoon Pirates will fight which Big Moms. Just remember the Big Moms are: Big Mom, Black John Licorice, Fat Jack, Nickel Joe, Stewie, Rallo, Maggie, Sir Knightly, Lala, Augustus, Pekoms, Tamago, aaaand the Big Ma’am counts, too. And you should know the main characters, so put ‘em with their reasonable matches, most of which I already hinted in this chapter. Soooo good-bye.
Chapter 10: And Then There Were Two
Candied Island
“Bluuuurrrve. What is the status on the remaining Sugary Wonders?” Big Mom asked her subordinate.
“Black John called and reported they found Stewie unconscious at his secret base.” Augustus replied, a lollipop in his mouth. “Also, Sir Knightly reported succeeding in letting the Raccoon Pirates take the Rainbow Lolli in Cotton Clouds. He… was not sure on the objective, I think.”
“Muuurrrrrrfff!” Big Mom’s eyes reddened further, gripping her right armrest tight. “The aggravation those runts cause me is increasing! And their power… just how could they have clashed with Grim-Stare Mandy and survive?!”
“Well, because they had help from Henrietta Marzipan. My mom. Nickel Joe’s men reported seeing her, but fell unconscious due to Mandy’s attack, so they aren’t sure on the details. But they’ve deemed it the most likely reason for her defeat.”
“Hnnnn… Candy Hunter Henrietta was in the same crew as Gold-Fist Marine… so of course she would help Marine’s daughter. But those other kids… CAN’T be the other members’ children. Why would they… get mixed in with Gold-Fist?!”
“I don’t know. But looking at the photographs, I recognize one of the members as Haylee Gilligan. My mom’s friend’s daughter who I used to take on adventures with me. I dunno if she’s in Kids Next Door, but her parents were.”
“Maaaaa?! Every day, they get more suspicious. I just know they have some connection with Kids Next Door! Some elaborate disguise to keep from breaking our deal.”
“So, what? You gonna eat the girl?”
“Hnnnn… the time has come I deal with them once and for all. I will have my officers attack them at once… and THEY will determine once and for all, if these brats are KND-related. And if they are…” Her bloodshot eyes directed to Panini in her cell, her massive teeth drooling, “I’ll have the spiciest pancake I’ve ever feasted…”
Sunny Day
Night fell once more as the crew sailed away from Dressrosa. They had to rest the Rainbow Lolli on the deck, and saw its vibrant rainbow became one with darker, dimmer colors. “’Guess that whole ‘time of day’ thing was true.” Harry observed.
“Wanna test it and taste the test theory?” Haruka asked.
“Uhhh, huh?” asked Mason.
“Ugh. TASTE it and test the TASTE theory!”
“Heheh, I know. But we probably shouldn’t. Have you ever noticed that each Wonder has some kind of curse? Maybe the Blurpleberry and Fourth Flavor weren’t so bad, but, some of the Wonders required some kind of price or sacrifice.”
“Yeah, like killing the bunny. Or drawing the blood for the Licorice.” Aurora recalled. “And what about that Marshmallow? Just what happens after it hatches from its crystal?”
“Who knows.” Haylee said. “Even my mom didn’t know the whole story behind all of them. That’s why the Wonders are wonders. However, there’s one person I can think of that knows almost everything about them: the legendary chocolatier, Willy Wonka.”
“Hold up, hold up.” Artie spoke. “Before we try to find him, I just wanna know which Willy Wonka we’ll be meeting: the original one, or the creepy Johnny Depp adaptation?”
“Why wouldn’t you wanna meet Johnny Depp?” Aurora questioned.
“Because Willy Wonka looks like he wants ta lure those kids into his closet and do things!”
“Yeah, but in the end, BOTH Willy Wonkas got them kids killed.” Harry replied.
“All the more reason we shouldn‘t meet him!!”
“Not like we could.” Haylee said. “He died around 50 years ago. But no one knew more about candy than he did.”
“Then I guess the only thing to do is fish around for another mermaid and ask for help about the Eighth Wonder.” Dillon figured. “But with all of ‘em almost found, the Big Mom Pirates’ll be after us for sure.”
“Ahhhh, let ‘em come. Ah’ll send ‘em flying with my fists!” Sheila cracked her knuckles. “Not one of those mangy seadogs has beaten us, yet!”
“Yeah, beaten you…” Harry mumbled.
“Whuh was that?”
“Nothin’.”
Mason saw Carol standing by the railing, looking out at the sea. A glum look was on her face as she was lost in thought. “Hey, Carol… you feeling okay?” She turned to Mason.
“Oh, I’m fine.”
“It’s just by now, you’d be demanding me to rub your shoulders or something.” He chuckled sheepishly.
“I guess I’m just a little tired.” She turned back to the sea. “Mason… how did you and your friends get picked for KND?”
“Well, we signed up. ’Course, sometimes you need recommendations, but our parents were actually renowned operatives. Except for Sheila’s. That’s why they decided to take us, I guess.”
“Is that it?”
“No, there was training, too. You go to Antarctica and they test you with the various skills and positions, and see which one you’re best at. Spying, leading, piloting, general fighting, and of course teamwork. You don’t have to be good at everything, but you need at least one notable skill. For most operatives, it’s usually fighting or shooting. Heh-and almost EVERYONE’S a good shooter. Heheh.”
Carol began to feel doubt. She wasn’t good at anything they do—except throwing her money. But she wasn’t sure many other operatives did that. She hardly fought the major battles during their adventure, she hardly makes the tricky jumps without Mason carrying… and no way she could match up to Sheila’s monstrous strength.
Aurora released a long yawn, “Let’s figure out what to do tomorrow. It’s late, let’s get to bed.”
Everyone went into the cabin to sleep in their hammocks. But Kirie was still up, staring at the pile of Gold Wonka Bars she had collected. She cracked one open, and all it had was the delicious chocolate. She cracked another, but still the lovely delicacy. She cracked another… but to her surprise and wonder, a Golden Ticket. She turned the ticket over, finding part of a map on its back.
She brought all the other candybars outside, opening them all and finding more tickets with maps. She proceeded to line all the tickets like a puzzle, finding the parts of the maps that fit, and taking up most of the deck. The map was still incomplete in some areas, as they didn’t find all of the Wonka Bars. But she had enough to know it was a map of the world. There was a notable “W” near the coast between Canada and Alaska, close to where they were.
She wasn’t sure of the exact direction, it was north but she didn’t know where north was. But all she had to do was lay her bare hands on the tickets, and close her eyes. Her nose perked, facing to the right. She quickly went to grab the helm and began steering the ship that way.
The next morning…
“Uwaaaahhh…” moaned Mason as he and the other tired crewmembers stepped out of the cabin. They were a little surprised to see the ship moving on its own. Mason rushed further onto the deck and saw Kirie steering the helm. “Kirie! What’re you doing?”
The mute girl’s eyes were closed, and showed no signs of hearing him.
Everyone walked up as Haruka waved by her face. “It looks like she’s sleep-steering. ’Wonder how long she was up.”
“Probably a while. Check out this map.” Chris indicated the incomplete map made of Golden Tickets on the deck. Everyone walked over to study the map. “’Guess there was a purpose in those candybars.”
“So much for Golden Tickets being a rare thing.” Aurora mentioned.
“It looks like it’s mainly focused on that ‘W’.” Haruka pointed. “Wonder where it leads.”
“I have an idea.” Dillon responded, noticing the incoming fog.
“Kirie, don’t!” Haylee yelled. “You’ll never be able to see your way through a fog! Especially if your EYES ARE CLOSED.”
Eyes still shut, Kirie looked at Haylee with an assuring smile. They sailed calmly into the fog, their vision almost completely blocked by the utter whiteness. The ship was sailing straight to a jagged rock, and would likely be shattered to a million splinters upon impact. But right away, a blue fairy zipped to their right, and Kirie whipped the ship around. “WHOOOA!” The crew fell over. They were coming to another berg, but a yellow fairy soared left, making Kirie drive that way. A red fairy flew slightly right ahead, so Kirie turned the ship a little. In this blankness, those blue, yellow, and red lights guided Kirie safely through the dangers, even though the other members couldn’t see them.
They eventually made it through the fog, and the fairies left as Kirie sailed them to a deserted island. Still confused, they docked and followed Kirie through a jungle, the child skipping happily as her eyes were still closed. “Blimey, how much can one girl sleepwalk?” Sheila asked.
“She’s dreaming she’s you.” Chris remarked.
“I don’t see any tail.”
They shortly entered some ruins of small, gray structures. Kirie finally stopped and raised a hand for her friends to stop, too. She still had closed eyes as she examined the barren ruin. Her eyes shot open as she signed, It’s yooou!!
“…” They didn’t know who she was talking to.
I never thought I’d find you out here! I mean, my parents didn’t know you very well, but they told me!
…Still blank area.
So what happened? Why are you a ghostie now?
“Who is she talking to?” Haylee stated.
Why don’t my friends see you? It’s not like they’re gonna BITE!
…The air said nothing.
Well, is there anywhere to go?
…At this, Kirie skipped to a rock with a small hole. She stuck her retracted fan in and picked the lock. To their surprise, a secret staircase opened behind it, leading underground.
“Hoo…” Black John’s gigantic owl hovered over the island, seeing the kids before flying off.
The smell of chocolate reached their noses as they followed a deep, underground hall. It was lit with torches, and a strange music echoed, a mix of cheerful and eeriness in its notes. The cave finally led them to a set of four doors as a distant voice spoke. “Ladies and gentlemen… if you are here, that means you have deciphered the puzzle of my Golden Ticket Map. I am pleased to introduce you to, the one and only…” The doors opened as a display of animated robotic children began to sing in a candy wonderland.
“Willy Wonka! Willy Wonka! The amazing chocolatier! Willy Wonka! Willy Wonka! He’s a genius, he is near—Willy WOOONKAAA, HERE HEEE IIIIIIS!” In just seconds, the children all short-circuited and exploded to fireworks.
EEEEEEK! Kirie’s hair stood straight when a severed head landed beside her.
They looked curiously at the burning stage, but nothing seemed to be happening. No one was appearing out of nowhere. The kids shrugged and decided to enter their selves, with Aurora sucking the fires in her hands and absorbing them. It became darker as they progressed, but started to look less like a cave, and more like the lobby of a building. “Eleven strangers… in a strange world…” They turned with a start, seeing an ancient, withered man in a top-hat. Several licorice cords connected to his back, leading into the wall. He weakly stood and limped forward with a cane. “What is real… what is pretend… I’ve long forgotten…” he spoke lowly.
“Uncle FACILIER??” Artie questioned.
“No, Dummy.” Harry said. “That’s…”
“Willy Wonka…” Haylee looked with utter shock.
“Aren’t you supposed to be dead?” Chris asked.
“Fifty years ago, when the demons attacked the world… I tried to protect my factory… by using my magic to transport it to Loompa Land.”
“TOLD you he had magic.” Artie said.
“But the Big Mom Pirates found us… and demanded candy payments. When we refused… they destroyed this place. What remains of my prized factory… now lies underground, with the remaining Oompa-Loompas. This island is rich with strong, sugary life-force, and that’s being used to… keep me alive.”
“But why would you choose to stay alive this long?” Aurora asked. “Not that I’m not afraid of dying, but… it feels a lot easier becoming a spirit.”
“Maybe I felt the need to… wait for somebody. Somebody who will… finally stop the pirates.”
“Just how long have the Big Moms been around?” Chris asked.
“They’ve been around… longer than I can remember. The leaders of each generation… are part of a family with unnaturally adapted sugar levels. Their only lust is candy… especially the Eight Sugary Wonders.”
“Where do the Sugary Wonders come from, anyway?” Dillon asked.
“It’s an old story… It dates back to the First Generation of Kids Next Door. The Supreme Leader wanted to reward his loyal operatives for their victory against the Underworld Army… and wished to bake a cake made from the greatest candies one could find. Of course… such candies were impossible to find… so he pleaded to the gods. Five of the Eight Firstborn granted him seven candies… plucked from a luscious landscape the gods baked long ago during their construction of Earth: Candied Island.
“From those Seven Wonders, the Supreme Leader composed a recipe, using the seven candies and a few extra ingredients… and created the one true cake of his dreams. The cake, which would make any child drool with lust… just by staring. That Supreme Leader… had a sister. And he allowed her the first taste of the cake. That one taste… drove her to madness. She wanted it all, and didn’t want to share with anyone. With the greatest hunger, and most ravenous eyes, she attempted to devour it all. Her brother was warned by the Firstborn, that any cake composed from those Seven Candies would have drastic results, if completely eaten by a single person. That’s why… the brother tried to stop his sister from consuming it… but she wouldn’t listen.
“The candies composed of unnatural powers, granted by the gods, soon resided in the stomach of that one little girl. The unimaginable sugar molded with her bloodstream and DNA. She was no longer human… but a nauseating monster, one that looked so tasty, other kids couldn’t help but try to eat her. But the candies granted her powers, too… powers that matched those of the gods or demons. She destroyed every person that tried to eat her… and became lost from the world. The brother never saw her again.
“However, both people lived, and grew old to get married to have kids of their own, despite the sister’s mutation. However, the sister’s children struggled to survive because of the candied DNA from their mother… and to keep them alive, she transferred her own essence into them. From that moment on… every child down that bloodline was born with unnatural sugar levels and lust for candy. But because of the sister’s death, the Sugary Wonders were reborn in the forms of other candies. The reason for her sacrifice… is that she, herself, would’ve died, regardless. Her sugar levels would’ve fainted, and she’d be a withered sweet, especially if her essence was split. Every child down that bloodline would have the same eventual fate.
“And that is why… the sister stole her brother’s recipe, and passed it down. Each new generation was to find the Seven Wonders and create the cake again, ensuring the bloodline of their children would continue to thrive. They did so… in their quest to find a way they could live in peace, and keep living despite their curses. The last generation to bake the cake… were three triplets, Beth, Amy, and Meg. The virus resided in their mother, inside them all… but the triplets lived, by the powers of their husbands.”
Chris and Aurora were dumbstruck. “Does that mean…” Aurora began.
“The Triplets, a-… Big Mom…” Chris couldn’t finish.
“Amy married the Demon King, Malladus, and Meg married Yin-Yang Spirit, Hannibal… and both demons extracted the curses from their wives. Beth, however… married a normal human, and the curse continued down her bloodline. The newest generation… is now Charlotte Linlin.”
“BIG MOM IS OUR AAAAAUNT!” the Unos and Dimalantas screamed.
“Well, at least you guys don’t have the curse.” Haylee said. “But Mr. Wonka… how do you know all this?”
The man’s head sunk. “My ancestor… was Carl Linlin. The brother. His sister… was Sherry Linlin. The one who fell to the curse… and Charlotte Linlin’s ancestor. (Take note, even though girls were born in the family and got married, they still kept the family name. Except the Triplets, who married demons.) And that is why… Charlotte is desperate to find this cake. Her lifespan is longer than previous generations so far… but she fears falling ill to the curse soon. But as the previous generations searched the Seven Wonders, they gathered a crew of candy connoisseurs and formed their own pirate crew. In time, they started to call their selves the Linlin Pirates, the first pirates to search for candy. They’ve inspired other candy lovers to become Candy Pirate crews themselves.”
“Wait wait wait!” spoke Haylee. “What’s this about SEVEN Wonders, where’s the Eighth Wonder??”
“Oh, right. I’m old, sorry if I’m forgetful. The Eighth Wonder… is Candied Island itself. It isn’t included in the recipe… but it has a great, tremendous oven, the only oven that could possibly bake the Wonders together, into their true, succulent glory.”
“So that means, we’ve basically FOUND all of the Wonders!” Haylee deduced. “Except Easter Bunny and Stalks!”
“Which means the Big Moms will DEFINITELY be after us.” Dillon knew.
“I don’t know what it is you kids are up to… but I caution you. In each generation, the Linlins would do anything for candy. Their sugarified blood-sugar levels… drive them mad.”
“We’ve dealt with worse.” Chris said. “But thanks for the info. We kinda miss the days where these important villain revelations come immediately instead of later.”
“Eh, this still felt kinda random.” Haylee said.
Almost instantly, the entire cave shook. “Well, that’s rude…” Wonka said.
“Uwuuuh, whuwas that?” Sheila moaned, waking up.
“WERE YOU SERIOUSLY ASLEEP THIS WHOLE TIME?!” her friends screamed.
“Never mind, let’s move!” Chris yelled, and they all rushed outside. (Play the “Seer: Descend” theme from Homestuck.)
The cave closed as soon as the kids were out, and rushed through the jungle in fear that their ship was in danger. “The Big Moms might be already-” But when they made it to shore, they stopped with utter fright: indeed, the Big Moms were already here, all their top commanders. Black John with his evil grin, Nickel Joe and his sly grin, Fat Jack and his unchanged, slobbery expression, Stewie, Rallo, and Sir Knightly. The Big Ma’am was parked behind the Sunny, and Maggie was perched atop its sail.
“We’ve let ye kiddies roam around long enough.” John stated. “It’s time ye finally learned… the Sugary Wonders belong to our captain! And any runt who dare say otherwise, belong on her menu.”
“We’ve got ya cornered now, slicks.” Joe flipped. “We’ll give ya a chance to run with pee drippin’ down your pants.”
Sheila wasn’t going to take that. She would take them here, once and for all. “HuuuuUUUUH!” She ran forth, fist spinning and aiming at John, but before it could make contact, Fat Jack jumped in the way, catching Sheila’s fist in his belly and bouncing her away. She tried to recover, but Black John zipped above her and stabbed a Finger Pistol through her stomach. “Ulp!”
John then zipped back beside his cohorts. “…Grrrrr! ATTACK!” Chris declared, and the 10 other crewmembers charged in. Haylee searched around for Maggie, but was startled when a bullet grazed her right waist. She looked up and saw Maggie on the Big Ma’am’s crow’s nest, quite a far distance for her to reach. She growled at the 1-year-old, but before she could think, Maggie blasted a quick round of bullets, grazing many parts of Haylee’s body.
Dillon ran at Nickel Joe, who still kept his sly grin, and the boy dodged as Joe hurled his exploding nickels. Dillon blew Shadow Breath at Joe, but he jumped overhead and tossed toothpicks to bind Dillon’s shoes to the ground. “Hey, Toothpick!” After landing, he looked to face Carol. “How ‘bout an extra 20 CENTS?” She threw a quarter at his face, but he merely smacked it away.
“Heh. That weren’t nearly enough force. Let me show how it’s done.” He held both hands behind his back, his left reaching in his back pocket as it touched a nickel. His right hand was open as another nickel spawned, and he proceeded to flick that at Carol and blow her away. “Waaaaah!”
Artie watched that with worry, and- “Ahem.” gasped when he saw Stewie giving a glare, wielding a ray gun.
Artie shook off his fear and glared determinedly at Stewie. “WAAAAH!” He ran forth, aiming to punch, but Stewie fired his shrink ray and made Artie 2 inches tall. “Ulp!” Artie looked at the giant baby with fright. “Waaaaah!” And ran fast as his little legs could.
Mason and Haruka teamed up and sent poisonous gas at Fat Jack, and Chris and Aurora shot flames to set this gas on fire. But Fat Jack was unphased, as he inhaled all of this gas and fire like it was nothing. His skin turned red in the belly, but he shot the fire straight back and blew the Dimalantas away, while the Unos dodged.
“Eeeeeee!” Tiny Artie ran from Stewie as the larger baby blasted lasers at him, which were obviously far bigger. When Stewie had a clear shot and locked on, a hand swooped and saved Artie from obliteration. He found himself safe in the warmth of Kirie’s sleeves. “Hehe! Thanks, Kir!” he said with great relief.
Kirie smiled to her friend before tucking him under her sweater. She glared at the baby and drew her fans, running to attack him.
After dodging Jack’s attack, Chris ran into Sir Knightly. “Ahooooy! Helloooo, Chrisie-senpaaaai! I hope you enjoyed my watermelons, ‘cause NOW you’ll face THIS:” Chris kept guard as Knightly got in a fighting pose. “HAND TO THE GROUND ATTACK!” He pressed his hand to and gripped the ground tight. “Nnn… that’s it.”
“RAAAAH!” Chris jumped and KICKED Knightly across the head, knocking him down. His flames alit, Chris proceeded to beat Knightly to a pulp, but he couldn’t tell if damage was being done through his armor.
With her brother occupied, Aurora faced a grinning Black John. She punched fire at the pirate, but John used Shave and warped to Aurora’s left, punching her away. She tried to throw more fires that John easily dodged, grabbing Aurora’s shoulder once he made it and throwing her skyward. “Moon Walk!” He jumped as high as her, his fingers ready. “Finger Pistol!”
“Mmmm!” Her eyes widened when the fingers pierced her rear.
“Extended Sentence: 500 MORE YEARS!!” And she flew several meters.
Kirie swiftly dodged Stewie’s missiles and made it to the baby, grabbing the sides of his head, flipping upside-down above him, and KICKING him in the face. Ope! She jumped back when the kick barely budged him at all.
Stewie lightly rubbed his nose. “Sigh, you can never find a good man nowadays to do that.”
What’s WITH this baby?? Kirie questioned. Stewie whipped out a grappling hook and launched it to Kirie, pulling himself over, swinging around to tie her up, and let her fall down.
Artie climbed out the bottom of Kirie’s sweater and frightfully ran, but- “AAAAAHH!” Stewie pinned him under his foot and added pressure. “Aaaaack-k-k…” Artie’s stick-like bones were breaking.
As Harry watched Artie’s tiny form be squished like a stick, and Haylee leaking with blood as a barrage of bullets pierced her… Harry wasn’t sure how to protect them both, but now he wouldn’t need to. “Yo yo, is that best you got?” sang Rallo as Harry began dancing against his will. “Yo’ time is up, you about to get served, pain and ‘miliation like you never heard. Ain’tchu got swag ‘cause you a disgrace, you like a clown after pie done covered your face!”
“Uhh-” Harry shook to his senses, “You think you can break me, ‘cause I tell you some’, this pirate crew gonna kick your bum-”
“Oh you are, just whatchu gonna do, I admit you bust some impressive moves, I ain’t see no butts no gettin’ kicked, when trouble comes knockin’, it’s the floor you lick.”
“Er, but-”
“AAH! NO BUTS! My point is quite clear! You ‘fraidy kitty, no, ‘fraidy DEER. Get in yo’ thick head, you just a wimp! Even yo’ BRAIN’S not as good to match this pimp! Where’s yo’ bustin’ rhymes, yo’ bustin’ groove? I only see bustin’ done by your CAPTAIN, DUDE! Your sailing days now reach their end. The sea NO PLACE for you man, COME BACK when you over TEN!”
And Rallo blasted a storm of music that pelted Harry all around. The older triplet was left a bloody mess as he fell defeated.
Aurora awoke and ran at Black John again, but he easily zipped over and pelted her with Finger Pistols. As Aurora fell to her knees in pain, John tore open a rift to send a swarm of ghouls at the girl. As they all flew through Aurora’s body like nothing, she felt her very strength and energy fade.
“Guh! Guh! Guh! Guh! Guh!” Chris continuously punched Sir Knightly’s helmet, but no sign showed of him taking pain. Chris finally got off after a while, but Sir Knightly jumped to his feet.
“I’m still aliiiive!”
“HUUUU!” Chris tackled him again. “Guh! Guh! Guh! Guh! Guh! Guh!”
Fat Jack leaped above Mason and Haruka and came down with a Ground Pound, but the two dodged aside. Haruka came at him with a Poison Sting and tried to stick his belly, but his thick squishy belly proved impenetrable still. When he bounced her away, Mason sent Gas Bombs at him, but Jack caught them in his mouth and let them explode inside, his belly puffing with little bursts.
With that, Jack pulled out a Shrink Sweet and swallowed, and he now looked the size of a little bouncy rubber ball. “Well, he just made this easier.” Mason exchanged smiles with Haruka.
“Weight-Weight BULLET Bomb.” But fast as a bullet, the little Fat Jack shot at Mason and Haruka, from all directions until they were knocked down completely. Fat Jack ate a Growth Gum and grew to normal size, leaping high in the heavens above Mase and Haru. “Weight-Weight Squishy SQOO.” The twins felt their bones squish under his unbearable weight.
“Shadow Possession!” Dillon stretched his shadow to catch Nickel Joe, but he leapt overhead to throw coins around the shadowbender, exploding and covering Dillon with soot, knocking him out. Joe directed his attention back at Carol, his sly grin making her shudder. He shot over and kicked her in the face, knocking her out just like that.
Sheila gripped her stomach, panting angrily as she recovered. Mason and Haruka crushed under Fat Jack’s weight, Dillon and Carol injured, Artie flattened under Stewie’s foot, Haylee and Harry fallen to Maggie and Rallo’s attacks… there was only Chris, who was mindlessly punching Knightly. But with all the others done, the Big Mom Pirates walked up to Sheila. The raccoon spun her fist, charged over, but Stewie shot his anti-gravity bubble to make her float up. Rallo threw music notes to pop her bubble and damage, then Maggie proceeded to pelt her with bullets. When she fell back down, Fat Jack bounced her to Joe, who forcefully kicked her to John, who raised his cloak of spiked lollies and let Sheila stick. With that, the vice-captain grabbed and threw Sheila away. (End song.)
“HUH! HUH! HUH! HUH!” Chris kept punching Knightly, desperate to beat him. “Huh… huh… huff… siiiigh…” He just couldn’t keep going.
“HYAA-AAH!” The knight kicked Chris off. “NOW YOU fell for my trap! All your beatings gave me power for… AWESOME DEATH OPEN-HAND-THROW ATTACK!” He threw his hand open at Chris. “…That’s it.”
“That’ll do, Sir Knightly.” said Black John as he held Chris up by the hair. “Lala, Dearie. Come out here and confirm something.”
The three-eyed woman came out and pressed her closed left eye to Chris’s right. A band of Tediz also set up the large hologram projector to give Big Mom a view of the show. “The moment of truth is NOW, Big Mom…” Black John said. “The moment we see, once and for all… if these brats are who they aaaarrre.”
Lala carefully skimmed Chris’s mind. He and his sector flew in the storm caused by Phosphora, he fought with the decommissioners against the Teens, and they attended the GKND’s party. A more recent memory, him and Aurora in their house as Cheren spoke with them. “All your boogers are removed from the Code Module. Now that you’re no longer Kids Next Door, you should be able to safely locate Panini and fight these pirates.”
“I sure hope this works…” Aurora said.
Lala pulled away from Chris, who was now barely conscious due to his endless onslaught. “WELL? …WHAT IS IT?” demanded Big Mom.
Lala turned and faced her with all 3 eyes. “…They are Kids Next Door.”
“RAAAAAHH!” Big Mom’s eyes shook. “YOOOU thought you could lie to CHARLOTTE LINLIN? You, who have defied the will of the Linlin Family, as ALL other generations of snot-nosed brats have done before me. WHAT have you to say for yourself?!”
Sheila wouldn’t let it go down like this. She stood up firmly and yelled with the greatest sureness, “WE’RE NOT KIDS NEXT DOOR!!!”
The Big Moms were struck speechless. Even though the truth was found out… she sounded so sure. So convincing. …She was a good liar.
“ENOUGH of your LIIIIES! Briiing meee… THE PRISONER!!”
Big Mom’s henchmen, Pekoms and Tamago, retrieved an unconscious Panini from her cell and presented her to their captain. Big Mom grabbed the Drilovsky girl in her large hand. “Dinner… is… served… AAAAHHHH!”
The Raccoons barely had their eyes open, but it was clear as day. Panini was so tiny compared to her mouth, so she fit perfectly. Panini slid down Big Mom’s slobbery tongue and into the deep darkness that was her stomach. She closed her mouth as a lump traveled down her shadowy neck. Big Mom rubbed her stomach softly. “Aaaahhh… soooo gooood… I haven’t tasted anything more spicy in AAAAGEEEES! But THIS was only the first course of their punishment. We must now… BURN the state of Virginia to ASHES! All the screaming morsels, hearts beating out of fear… they will make EXCELLENT appetizers! Leave the crew to their waste… and let them feel the shame of it all.” The screen vanished.
“Ahhh, what a fine day this was.” Black John smoked a candle. “ACQUIRE the Sugary Wonders and let us go.”
“Laaa la la, humans squished, laaa la la, sad sad sad.” sang the Big Ma’am.
Stewie shot Chris and Sheila with a dart gun, making them sleepy. Soon, the 11 kids fell to sleep completely, helpless as the pirates raided their ship.
Five hours later…
They remained unconscious until that night. When Aurora came to, her vision was blurry, and a brown-topped being was standing over her. Her vision cleared to reveal the concerned face of her brother, Cheren. “Aurora. You okay?”
“Uhhh… yeah.”
Everyone else awakened, their forms still bruised. “Oi, Cherry? Wot are you doing here?” asked Sheila.
“I’ve been using Fi all this time to track Aurora and Chris’s movement. When you guys didn’t move for a time, she sensed your energy level weakened, so I… So what happened here?”
“The Big Moms kinda threw a surprise party.” Haylee responded. “Without all the balloons and snacks, and kinda focused heavily on the wild beatings. It was probably one of those gang parties.”
“They certainly don’t treat their action figures with respect.” squeaked the tiny Artie.
They climbed onto the deck of the Sunny and found the Rainbow Lolli gone. They searched the refrigerator, seeing the Fourth Flavor gone, the Blurple Supreme, and even their sack of Caramels. “All the Sugary Wonders are gone…” Haylee said with remorse.
“Waited ‘til we found them all for ‘em.” Harry said. “Classic cheats…”
“And… Cheren…” Aurora spoke with the greatest regret. “They found out we were Kids Next Door. Big Mom… ate… Panini.”
All the color faded from Cheren’s face. He fell to his knees, unable to believe it. “…I’m sorry, Bro.”
Cheren closed his eyes and shook with bottled rage. It looked like he was going to explode at any minute. “This is all… YOUR FAULT!” He swung his fist and punched Sheila across the cheek, knocking her back. Everyone wore looks of shock as Sheila gripped her cheek. “If YOU didn’t come up with this crazy plan to begin with, and let us keep track of you, we could’ve thought of something and saved Panini TOGETHER! But inSTEAD, you had to insist we break coms with you, and THEN you wind up getting CAUGHT! You and your DUMB adventures.”
Sheila fumed in anger, running forth to PUNCH Cheren with greater force, sending him across the deck as his nose bled. “AT LEAST I crave EXCITEMENT! Not like you boring desk-jockeys who have NO interest in life! Why didn’t ya hang out and spend more time with her, then you coulda been there and saved her from getting KIDNAPPED!”
“That’s not the POINT!” He ran to deal another punch, until Sheila grabbed his arm, but he threw his other fist and socked her. “You were SUPPOSED to save Panini, but you WASTED all this time, and-” As he talked, the two kept trying to punch each other.
Finally, Aurora jumped between and unleashed a burst of fire, startling the two still as she covered in flames. “That’s ENOUGH.” Her flames vanished. “Cheren, we ALL agreed on Sheila’s plan, so it’s just as much OUR fault.”
“…Siiigh.” He figured it was pointless to argue. “Forget it. The mission’s a bust. Let’s just go back to Moonbase and have you all reinstated.” He typed on his wristwatch monitor.
“We weren’t on any mission, Mate.” Cheren looked up angrily, seeing Sheila’s serious eyes. “The minute we disbanded from the Kids Next Door, we became our own mates. So we formed a crew and sailed around to do whatever we want. Searchin’ these candies was only a portion of the adventures we woulda had.”
“Grrrr, of COURSE you’re still Kids Next Door! Your mission was to disconnect from all communications with us and pose as pirates until you rescued one of our comrades. I’ll still allow you to come back to KND, but once you do, AURORA will be the leader, and you aren’t leading a team EVER aga-”
“I ain’t GONNA come back!” Sheila stomped up to the keel and took her seat, facing the sea. “I’m gonna stay here and have adventures.” She pumped her left fist. “I’m Sunny-Fist Sheila of the Raccoon Pirates. I’M the captain of this vessel, NOT YOU!”
“…Fine. But I’m calling a transport for the rest of you.” Cheren continued typing. “That is, unless you wanna stay, too.” Everyone exchanged worried glances.
“Well? DO YOU??” Sheila questioned.
They all looked down in regret. “Sheila… it was good while it lasted… but we ain’t cut for the sea.” Harry said. “We just ain’t into this whole thing as you. Besides… we probably just slow you down. Looking back, when’ve you really needed us? You always kickin’ the bad guy’s butt yourself, we barely even help. Except when they all decided to gang up on us, we attacked ‘em together, and still couldn’t help. We’re better off just gettin’ help from the whole team. I mean, since Panini’s already…”
“The adventure was fun, Sheila, but ultimately, most of us were focused on the mission.” Aurora followed. “We still considered ourselves Kids Next Door operatives, and it was our mission to save a comrade. Even if we enjoyed the fresh air, the sea… we’re operatives first. Not pirates…”
Sheila turned back to the sea. “So that’s it then… the Raccoon Pirates’ just down to one.”
“Yeah… I guess so.” Aurora replied with remorse.
“Fine then, go away. There ain’t no room on my ship for blokes ‘o don’t seek adventures. I’ll challenge giant monsters ‘o threaten to snack on me to a duel, and I’ll sail headfirst into Big Mum’s den and whoop them all. If no one wants to come with me, that’s all crikey.”
“So it’s decided…” Cheren spoke lowly.
Eventually, the transport ship came, and the crew began to get on. “Wait a second, who is this?” Cheren asked, noticing Carol.
“Oh, this is Carol.” Mason said. “Friend of mine. She wanted to join KND after this.”
“Oh. Well, we’re holding Cadet Training still…”
“Um, actually… I’m not sure if I want to, anymore.” Carol said with doubt. “I think I was just… speaking on impulse. Like how I want a new parakeet or my own driver’s license… maybe Kids Next Door isn’t right for me.”
“Are you… Really?…” Mason asked.
“Yeah… I just don’t think I have the strength…” She glanced at Sheila.
Their former captain was still seated on the keel, facing the sea. Even Cheren was gonna be sad she wasn’t coming back. She was one of the strongest operatives, and very spirited to boot. If not her strength, a lot of them could probably use her spirit. But he sensed that she made her decision… and would stick with it.
“I hope we haven’t forgotten my little dilemma!” Artie squeaked, sitting on Haylee’s shoulder.
“Yeah yeah, we’ll visit the Charitons.” Haruka stated.
The engines roared as the ship finally took off. Mason stared out the window, watching the Sunny shrink in the distance. Sheila’s defection would hurt him the most… just like Dillon with Vanellope’s. Sector V was falling apart.
Sheila turned and saw the ship leaving. “Siiigh. Well, ’guess it’s time I be hittin’ the waves, too.” She walked up to the helm and gripped it in both hands. She turned it mindlessly, going nowhere. “Oh, I guess I should pull up the anchor.” She went below and hauled the giant mass up, tucking it inside. “And the sails.” She unfurled the sails as the wind breezed. “And let my adventures commence.” And so, she sailed from the island, to the distant seas that called. (Play “Sailing No More” by Randy Newman.)
Sheila sailed miles from the island, but the seas hadn’t changed. The water calm, the starry sky peaceful, and near absolute quiet and loneliness. One wouldn’t believe she had her own band of pirates this morning. The energy and vibrance that the Sunny Day once brought was no more. Its youthful crew was down to only one. And one she shall be.
Sheila always wanted to leave the Kids Next Door and become a pirate, and her dream had come true. She worked for no one, and took no orders. She was a free person on the sea, and she could go anywhere. Her mom was the greatest pirate she knew, and she inherited her strength. No matter what challenge awaited, she would take it.
The seas waved up and down as Sheila sailed her ship through a fierce storm. It lasted forever and threatened never to stop.
But it did, and that was when a giant frog emerged from the sea. It hopped at Sheila, hungry for a snack. It could’ve swallowed her tiny vessel whole, but the superior raccoon spun her fist and launched a powerful Light Sphere, striking him dead in the face and knocking him out.
Clouds filled the sky again as blizzards rained, making Sheila shiver furiously. She fought the cold with all her strength, and kept sailing.
And the skies were clear as Sheila finally decided to stop the boat. She lay on the keel on her front, letting her arms and legs dangle over either side. She never looked so dead, so drained of all her energy. A man’s deep singing echoed in the distance, along with his strumming guitar. She glanced right, seeing a Jamaican man slowly sail on his small boat, singing this tune as he strummed this instrument. “And I… will go sail… nooo moooore…” (End song.)
“Hello, Numbuh 1-Love.” she greeted with no enthusiasm.
“Sheila, Mon! How is your sailing going?”
“Ehhh… not so well.”
“Aww, that’s too bad. But very strange how it turned stormy, a sea monster came, and it snowed all in the span of an hour. Well, I’m going to get back to Naomi. I’m not sure how I got out here, Mon.” With that, he rowed away.
“Siiiiigh.”
“Heh, song wasn’t quite accurate, huh?” Sheila’s ears perked, turning to see none other than Mason with a sheepish smile.
She sat up and turned fully. “Mason? What the devil’re you doing here?”
“I came on the escape pod. Hehe.” He indicated the crashed pod on the deck. “Because… I couldn’t bear to leave you behind. Even if we’re not operatives… we’re best friends for life.”
She gave a warm smile. “…Thanks, Mate.”
The two climbed and sat atop the sail, staring at the starry sky and full moon. “Sheila… I’m sorry about what happened earlier.”
“Oh, it ain’t your fault. But blimey… Cheren has anger issues.” She rubbed her jaw.
“I think I understand… part of the reason everyone left. They all didn’t feel right for this job. They couldn’t match up to your strength, that’s why they ultimately believed this whole thing shouldn’t have been attempted. I mean, to be fair, Sheila, you’re kind of overpowered.”
“Well, it wasn’t about the mission or how it would go, Mate. All I wanted to do was show them how much they’re missing. I wanted them to know that life wasn’t all about missions. It’s about having fun, too.”
“Well, they just didn’t see it that way. To them, it was mostly about… do the mission, see if this method works… but without the Kids Next Door to back ‘em up, they were ultimately pretty weak. Compared to you or Chris.”
“It’s their own fault that they’re weak. If they were as pumped for adventure as I was, they woulda had more fighting spirit!”
“Maybe… but that’s what made you so special to begin with. That’s why you were so strong. And everyone else knew that, too. That’s why… they didn’t feel they belonged under you. Because they weren’t as passionate.” (Play “Despair” from Naruto: Shippuden.)
“…”
“But you know… the King of the Pirates was probably the same way. He might’ve been so strong… that he just didn’t need his crew. They just… slowed him down. But if I could imagine… sailing on these big open seas… not a care in the world, no one to look after me… I’d feel pretty lonely. It’s so quiet and serene, and even with that feeling of freedom easing your heart, making you happy… you still feel empty inside. Like something’s… just missing.”
“…”
“But there was one pirate… who was greater than all the others.” Marine said. “’e was the King. And he sailed this WHOLE world. Legends say that before ‘e passed on, he left a GREAT treasure, the most amazin’ treasure anyone’s evuh seen. ‘e told the world, if they wanted ‘is treasure, they could have it. But they’d have ta find it. And so… hundreds o’ pirates, all over the world, set sail to find it.
“Didju ever try to find the treasure, Mum?”
“Weeell, Oi did. But then Oi found me own treasure.”
“Really?? Wot??”
“You.” She smacked Sheila’s back. “You’re the shiniest treasure I evuh coulda had. And I want ya to have a happy life.”
“…”
The Boogey Bay and the Sneaky Dinga sailed separate ways after their squabble. “Marine, vhy are ve sailing back home?” Henrietta asked. “Don’t you vant to plant zis seed?”
“Yeh, but… ya ever think there’s a greater treasure out there? One that’s… a little closer than ya might think.”
“Like wot, Cap’n?” Colonel asked.
Marine looked to the sunny heavens. “Just someone… you c’n tell all about your adventures.”
…That’s just what… her mother found, wasn’t it.
A normal summer’s day as Marine was walking along the beach. She looked at the ocean and saw bubbles rising in one spot. She dove in and gasped, seeing her little daughter unconscious as bubbles floated from her mouth, her foot stuck in a gap.
Marine pulled her free and to the beach before forcefully punching her stomach, forcing the water out. “Blimey, Sheila, what were you doing under there??”
“I thought there might be more rippuh stuff, so I swam under to look.”
“Crikey, if you were gonna swim in the ocean by yourself, come on and tell me first!!”
“But YOU let me swim in by myself YESTERday!!”
“Yeh, but at least I had the courtesy to watch you! Don’t evuh do somethin’ that crazy by yourself ever again!”
“Why not?? YOU’RE the one ‘o keeps telling me to take chances!”
“Siiiigh. I have to commend you for that, Sheila. And when you start havin’ adventures, I reckon you’ll make a few mistakes ‘r so. That’s part of the experience. But promise me somethin’: no matter how strong a sheila you get… don’t evuh go on adventures alone. The experience is that much more ripper… when you have someone to share it with.” She smiled. “People you c’n share reactions with, ya know? People ta get scared with ya when the ghosts come. But most importantly… PEOPLE TA GET YOU OUT OF WATER WHEN YA START DROWNING!”
“I’M NOT dumb enough to do that TWICE, Mum!”
“I know ya aren’t, Sheila.” Marine bonked Sheila’s noggin. “But one of your mates might, and he’ll need saving. But also… he’ll save your bum if ya do it again. Whether you’re pirates or those cruddy Kids Next Door… always share your experiences with some mates.”
“…Mase… just what is a leader, anyway?”
“Hm?” He looked at her quizzically. “Well… a leader is someone who ensures victory for their team. They lead them on the right path, and they draw energy from their team, too. Well… that’s what I kinda thought.”
“…Me mum would be ashamed.”
“Ahhh, no she wouldn’t, Sheila. She probably would’ve done the same thing.”
“Ehh…”
“…?” Mason looked down behind, noticing some tiny, glowing crumbs on the railing. “Hey, Sheila.” He jumped down, Sheila following, finding the dim crumbs. “They look like… pieces of the Rainbow Lolli.”
“Oi, yeh… They musta bumped and broken it when they carried.”
“Probably Sir Knightly.”
“Well, now’s our chance to taste it, eh?”
“Yeah… but it’s kinda dead.”
“’ang on.” Sheila scooped the pieces in her hands and lit them with light. The crumbs absorbed the light and glowed with rainbow colors. “It works! Let’s give ‘em a go!”
Mason took a few pieces and ate, and Sheila ate hers. “…So how do you feel?”
“I feel… a little strange.” Sheila replied. “Like…Like I…” (Play the “Trickster Mode” theme from Homestuck.)
Sheila and Mason became sugary, candy-coated versions of their former selves, dancing with the craziest sugar rush they ever had. The Sunny Day became bright again with their colors, and things never looked brighter. “AAAAAAHH!” They ran around and around the ship, fast as rockets. They met back on the deck. “MASOOOON! THIS IS SO COOOOL!”
“I KNOW! HEY SHEILA!! LET’S GET MARRIED AND HAVE TONS OF BABIES!”
“YEH, MASON! TOOOONS OF BABIIIEEES!”
Both friends shook, and in seconds- “WOOOOOO!” flew away like rockets, Sheila using her tail, and Mason with a Gas Rocket… from his rear.
They flew around and around and around the world, the scenery switching from day, to night, to day again. “WOOHOOOO!” They soared over Egypt. “YEEEEEAH.” Over London’s Big Ben. “WOOHOOOO!” Over Mt. Rushmore. “WHOO-OOOHHH.” All the way across the Great Wall of China.
Sabaody Park
In a peaceful green park where large bubbles floated, Henrietta waited patiently as Sandy used some rope to catch large bubbles in the air, pulling them down so Jessie could stuff them in a bubble bottle. “Are you kids almost finished? Vhat do you need all zese bubbles for, anyvay?”
“Don’t worry, lady, we’ll be done soon.” Jessie assured. “Keep your woman undies on.”
Henrietta rolled her eyes and faced up at the night sky. “WOOOO!” A green and red smoke line cut across the dark-blue sky, created by Mason and Sheila.
Henrietta’s eyes widened. “Kids, let’s go!” She quickly grabbed Sandy and Jessie and threw ‘em in her helicopter. “Ve have to make another stop!”
“Sheesh, and she was bitching about our stops.” Jessie commented as the helicopter took off. (End song.)
Candied Island
Big Mom relaxed on her throne while the dinner settled in her stomach, her mouth still drooling with acid. She looked up when Augustus entered the chamber. “Black John and the others have returned have successfully acquired the Sugary Wonders from the Raccoons. They now aim to get the Licorice Stalks, which should be full grown by now.”
“Nyaaaaa. After soooo many long yeeeears. My ancestors’ birthday cake… the cake only a god could produce… shall once again, be reunited with my taste buds!”
“But what about what you promised me?” Augustus asked. “You said there was something greater than Candied Island OR the cake. You said you would bring us… to the promised land. And that’s where we would never have to worry about our virus!”
“And I will, Augustus…” Big Mom finally stood and stomped forward. In the light, she was a tremendous woman with a big nose to go with her almost perfectly round face. She had pink puffy hair that went to her elbows, wore a pink dress with dark-pink polka-dots, and black high-heels on her big feet. But whether shadowed or not, her bloodshot eyes, chunky white teeth, and plump body were very noticeable. “But first… we must teach the Raccoons a lesson. We will send the Demon Sweets and BURN Virginia to ashes. And if they manage to avoid incineration… well… they won’t for long.”
Big Mom stomped into a lower chamber, pitch-black and roaring with creatures who were down in a deep, vast dungeon. “CHIIIILDREEEEN! Your wait is no more! The SWEET to end all sweets will soon be forged in my bakery! And YOU will have the first dish: a region which has broken their agreement with me! DESTROY Virginia and let their crumbling be a lesson to all others!”
“NYAAAAAYYYY!” The monsters roared with excitement; venomous Licorice Snakes, Hamhurters, and Kill-Kats.
“I am glad to finally take you all to the promised land… The only sweet superior to Candied Island, OR EVEN the luscious cake. As of this moment…” Her bloodshot eyes shook with ravenousness, “PROJECT: CANDIED PLANET IS NOW IN MOTION!”
And soooo the drama chapteeeerr. But yeah, the ending arc is now here, so it’s time to prepare for our final showdowns. Take this moment to guess which Raccoon Pirates will fight which Big Moms. Just remember the Big Moms are: Big Mom, Black John Licorice, Fat Jack, Nickel Joe, Stewie, Rallo, Maggie, Sir Knightly, Lala, Augustus, Pekoms, Tamago, aaaand the Big Ma’am counts, too. And you should know the main characters, so put ‘em with their reasonable matches, most of which I already hinted in this chapter. Soooo good-bye.
![[Commission] Captain Caveman Samurai Jack](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/e3996a62-0c9d-42b6-b715-0b1fb85b5788/dgye8bg-eee274a1-7394-4ea8-8d2d-a7ca56d0b17f.jpg/v1/fit/w_300,h_900,q_70,strp/_commission__captain_caveman_samurai_jack_by_admiraldt8_dgye8bg-300w.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9MTA0MyIsInBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcL2UzOTk2YTYyLTBjOWQtNDJiNi1iNzE1LTBiMWZiODViNTc4OFwvZGd5ZThiZy1lZWUyNzRhMS03Mzk0LTRlYTgtOGQyZC1hN2NhNTZkMGIxN2YuanBnIiwid2lkdGgiOiI8PTEwMjQifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6aW1hZ2Uub3BlcmF0aW9ucyJdfQ.7Rld-IjYDrGzLe-gRDe__1bTnEg4now8N82MqR0DZYc)
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