|Two girls with peculiar hair colors become friends!|
Seven Lights: The Last, Chapter 21Expect a long hiatus when Zelda: Breath of the Wild comes out.Seven Lights: The Last, Chapter 21 by gamewizard-2008
Chapter F-21: Weird Happenings
Wendy was using the Fairy’s Tail to direct glittering air into Karin’s lungs. “Sigh…sigh…” Karin was calmly breathing. “My throat… feels… a little better…”
“Just take it easy. If you used that Ghostly Wail again, your throat might explode.”
“No kidding… So, is Melody still distraught?”
“I’m afraid so. And Carla’s no better. Anyway, did you say Miyuki was hurt, too?”
“I think so. I don’t know where she went.”
“I’ll find her. Point Me Miyuki.” Wendy’s wand pointed in the desired direction.
The wind mage wandered around the base for a few minutes. She soon found Miyuki facing a corner above a stairwell. The timebender seemed to be holding her chest. “There you are, Miyuki. Let me heal you, too.”
Seven Lights: The Last, Chapter 18There’s a lot of perviness in this chapter! ;3Seven Lights: The Last, Chapter 18 by gamewizard-2008
Chapter F-18: Over the Ring
The Planet Tree
Ganondorf clashed furiously with the mysterious being in white, whose sword matched Ganon’s in speed and strength. Ghirahim jumped the stranger from behind with two swords—the stranger slashed airwaves to knock him back. Ganon flew higher and charged a massive dark sphere above his hands, breaking it into energy missiles that swarmed the stranger from many directions. The figure swiftly batted the missiles away, and barely dodged when Ghirahim tried to stab down from above.
The figure blocked Ghirahim’s rapid strikes, slipping around the Demon Lord for a backslash, only for Ghira to dodge. Ganondorf roared a Dark Song Beam at him, but Cheren appeared to bounce the notes back with the Mirror Shield. “Hey, glad you’re still here!” Cheren smiled.
“You again? Did you find Azelf?”
“Nope, not exactly. But I heard you were
On The Way, Chapter 15This chapter features Suki!On The Way, Chapter 15 by gamewizard-2008
Chapter 15: Ice Cream Land
Oil Ice Mountain
Summer was a wonderful time in even Iceland. With school out for everyone, kids were either joyfully playing at the playground or at the cool, refreshing pool. But Sector IC, on the other hand, were freezing on Oil Ice Mountain, simply because Suki wanted to play up there. “Wheeeee!” She left a glittery trail in her wake, gracefully skiing up and down slippery slopes on her own feet. “Hurry up, Sister-chan! Don’t be sloooow!”
“We don’t know how to control these things!” Terry shouted as he and his friends were sledding on the backs of sentient snowmen. “Or see the frickin’ path we’re supposed to race on!”
“I assume we’re just supposed to follow Suki!” MaKayla called.
“Snowy Twister!” Suki sprouted up a cyclone of snow, catching the team inside as they screamed to the heavens.
After the cyclone vanish
On The Way, Chapter 14Aisa needs more character development!On The Way, Chapter 14 by gamewizard-2008
Chapter 14: Camping Trip
In the thick groves of a pine forest, one would discover a lone silver train, but with no tracks to be seen for miles, it looked very out-of-place. It seemed to be a recent phenomenon, for several pairs of footprints led away from the train. One pair was larger than the others.
These five footprints belonged to the girls of Sector W7. All had large packs strapped to their backs (with April’s being a briefcase) and they had walked almost six miles, following the lead of their Shandian Nimbi friend, Aisa, who was not wearing her hat. “Huuuuuum.” Aeincha moaned with exhaust. “I feel like my legs are twigs when I’m hiking.”
“You don’t get to nag, you little hair-snoozer!” Chimney whined, for her tiny friend was actually laying comfily on her head. “We’ve been doing all the walking!”
“I know! But imagining how achy your feet must be is havi
Well guys, I’m in the mood for another Gameverse Sins segment! Some of you might question why I actually do these… I dunno why, it’s just kind of fun to point out the flaws in my stories… It’s funny in its own way. X) Anyway, here’s the Viridi Saga. Definitely Nextgen’s “developing” stages.
Everything Wrong With the Viridi Saga
“Heh heh heh.” Nolan chuckled, putting a hand on his son’s shoulder. “Son… I named you and your shadow after two of the greatest operatives the Kids Next Door’s ever had. I wouldn’t’ve done that if I didn’t think you would become just as good, if not greater, than they were.”
No, you named your son after a dead guy and a crippled guy, neither of which went down in legend like Nigel Uno or Rachel. In fact, you better hope your son becomes greater, otherwise he’ll end up the same! (1)
“Come on, Cheren!” his brother, Chris Uno, nudged him. “Why wouldn’t they let us in? Our mom and dad were two of the best operatives back then! They even took out a whole army of demons!”
“I still don’t believe that either!”
“Hm hm hm, you’d be surprised.” Yin chuckled.
And yet, 3 years later, they all know everything about their parents’ adventures down to the last detail. (2)
“Ah, quit worrying, Nolan.” Danika replied, playfully slapping him. “The son of the operative who defeated a Sith Lord, whose mother turned out to be a Firstborn Guardian? Who wouldn’t let him in?”
You’re hoping your son gets in on fame, not on skill? (3)
“Anyway, the reason I’m robbing this bank is so I can have enough money to buy enough liquid nitrogen dissolver to free the rest of my Brotherhood comrades. I was lucky enough to escape on my own first, and when I get done, the Brotherhood will rise again!”
“Wait, wasn’t there, like, a button that could unfreeze all the ice sculptures?” Coldman asked.
“…Umm… I forgot about that.” Tornado replied.
Only because the plot demanded it! (4)
“Heh, don’t mention it.” Dillon smiled, scratching the back of his head.
“Heh, come on, Leanne! You can’t always have someone saving your butt FOR you!” Lee taunted.
HEH HEH HEH HEH! Are our scriptwriters so bad, they can’t think of good starts to sentences?! (5)
“Yeah… Isn’t your dad the legendary operative Numbuh 2030, who saved the Kids Next Door from the Brotherhood of Evil?” Lee asked.
“He sure is!” Dillon exclaimed.
“Wow! I never thought I would meet the son of a celebrity.” Leanne said. “Your dad was awesome! Or so I heard.”
Dillon’s making friends through fame alone. He’s becoming as unlikeably likeable as Harry Potter. (6)
“Oh, please.” They turned at the sound of this smug voice to find a pair of twins, a boy and a girl. The boy bared a resemblance to the former Numbuh 59 and the girl looked like Numbuh 58.
“And who are you?” Dillon asked with a raised brow.
“I’m Maddy, and this is my brother, Zach.”
“Oh, yeah. You’re Mr. and Mrs. Murphy’s kids.” Dillon remembered.
Gamewizard learns the hard way why he shouldn’t use too many fan ideas. (7)
“Well, whatever.” Maddy said. “All we know is, we don’t exactly trust you, Dillon. If you’re anything like your father, we’re keeping our guard up around you.”
“Hey, you shut up about my dad!” Dillon yelled at them. “Sure he was working for the bad guys a little, but then he remembered he was a good guy and he saved everyone! My dad was a hero. And I wanna be just like him!”
The lesson of this story is, if you grow up with famous parents, it’ll result in people judging you and forced character interaction. (8)
Tornado came to a halt as Hannibal Bean hopped onto his shoulder. “Feelin’ the cold shoulder?”
“Shut it and show me the way outta here.”
“Yeh, sure. But first we need to make a quick stop.” Ying-Ying flew in just then for Hannibal to hop onto, the tornado villain hurrying after as the bird flew across the halls. They soon came to a door with a cushy room on the other end. Tornado peeked inside and was startled as Zant’s face shot up to him. The insane jester minion muffled something through a sash around his mouth, running uncontrollably around the room in a straightjacket.
Why is Zant locked in here and not Shadow Realm Prison? (9)
“It was great!” Dillon jumped. “I got to dodge searchlights, I got to kill robots, and I met new friends and everything! Of course, I DID meet up with a couple of jerks,” Dillon said with a grumpy look, “who were saying bad things about you…”
“Ah-huh… Well, I’m glad you enjoyed, Dillon… ‘cause you’re not going back.”
Nolan had no reason to decide on that conclusion, other than classic parent paranoia. A better moral could’ve been that he shouldn’t make friends through famous parents. (10)
The man had decided to pay a visit to the Quahog bookstore. Over at one of the tables, he took notice of Crystal Wickens, an old friend of his from high school who was going through her own troubles with bullies at the time, until Nolan saved her.
I don’t know who Crystal is. I need to read Zen and Intent? Okay, be right back…
…Okay, so Crystal was a KND fangirl who was already friends with Nolan… how, exactly? Bad character introduction is bad! (11)
Crystal laughed a little. “I might not have any experience on being a parent, but I’ve always felt like children have a better time if their parents just… talked to them more about these matters. And considering your ‘Sandman’ duties, I can guess you haven’t had much time to spend with him, right?”
“So… I should just talk to Dillon? Then he’ll understand?”
Her only purpose in this story is to tell Nolan what he should already know. (12)
“Well… yeah. I just don’t think I can put you through all that. I don’t know what I’d do if I let my own son get taken by the Dark Side.” Nolan said to his son.
Will you STOP with all that “Dark Side” crap?! This isn’t Star Wars and you aren’t even psychics! (13)
“First of all, you are gonna free the other villains out of their frozen states. Secondly, Ah lost my Yin-Yang Yo-yos after that battle, and Ah need to get them back if Ah’m ever to bring the Kids Next Door to its knees.” Hannibal explained.
“Okay, but, even though we basically have everything planned out, let’s not set our plans in motion for three years.” Tornado randomly suggested.
Tornado would be great at Gameverse Sins! (14)
The Son of Evil
“No! Don’t, Anthony, please, I-” This crying for help was soon followed by the sound of gurgling as Cheren looked over and found Anthony McKenzie standing on a drinking fountain switch and holding Vweeb under as the water sprayed.
“C’mon, Vweeby. I’m just givin’ ya a drink of water.” Anthony smirked.
Nerehc is very lucky all these Cheren friends are around for him to assault. (15)
What business does Vweeb have being here, anyway? Visiting Arianna? And why does Arianna always choose to invite Vweeb where he’s always getting bullied? (16)
“Nigel, this is Yang.” The Chinese man suddenly appeared on the line. “It’s about your son. He-“
“He ripped my daughter’s doll up and pulled her tail!” Scarlet interrupted. “I am so mad, I can rip somebody’s head out.”
“Nigel, this is Ava.” Ava suddenly called.
Nigel’s phone is so good, it gets alien reception. (17)
Cheren opened the window and looked down to see a barefooted girl, wearing yellow and green garb, long, black hair, and grey eyes. “Hey!” she greeted cheerfully.
Cheren dropped down from his second-floor window and asked, “Who are you?”
“Don’t you remember me?” she asked. “It’s me! Lin Beifong!”
How the hell does Cheren know Lin? They take a field trip to Avatar Realms? Lin’s appearance is more random than Crystal’s. (18)
“How would you know, Sandman?” Cheren smirked.
“That’s not important.” Wiccan cut off. “We don’t know what’s got you so riled up, but causing destruction to others won’t help it.”
“This coming from Ms. ‘I’m gonna learn fake magic and take revenge against those who made fun of me in high school’?” Cheren remarked.
“Gotta hand it to him: he knows a lot.” Coldman said.
Which begs the question how? Did Nerehc do a hell of a lot of research before planning his assault? Seems unnecessary, all he’s doing is mindless destruction. (19)
Fanny Drilovsky worriedly stood at her kitchen counter as she stirred the boiling soup before her. “Ah sure hope this thing is for real.” She spoke quietly. “Thanks for coming over to help, Mika.”
“Anytime, Fan.” The Filipino woman smiled.
Numbuh 6.13 was a co-creator of Nextgen, so we need to give her character pointless appearances! (20)
Cheren sighed, “Look, guys, I appreciate the offer, but-“
“Dude, we’re helping you. Plain and simple.” Berry Bean decided. “Somethin’ tough to understand about that or somethin’?”
Berry, you and Lilac shouldn’t even be up here, you aren’t with Kids Next Door. (21)
“So what? I may not be the strongest fighter, but I still have friends to help me.” Vweeb argued.
“Oh, so you can’t fight people like me on your own? How bold.” Nerehc remarked.
It’s always the assholes that make the most logical points. (22)
Also, why are Lilac and Berry fighting with Vweeb and Makava? Why couldn’t Arianna and Tronta be here? (23)
The image of Nerehc destroying the town of Quahog played upon a crystal ball, which emitted green energy. “Uugh. Look at the boy, destroying things like he OWNS the place.” Spoke the echoing voice of a female figure. “Humans make me so MAD. The world’s better off without them!”
Goddess of Nature
And the Kid Icarus obsession kicks in. (24)
Mason and the Minish Door
“Ooooh, it’s that raccoon girl.” Viridi growled. “I HATE that raccoon girl! It’s just so disgusting to see the result of a HUMAN mating with a creature of the earth. Drop the Minish Door on them NOW, Arlon!”
Sheila is half-Mobian, who have the same intelligence as humans, and a basic disregard for nature despite being animals. (25)
Also, Viridi’s plan is to shrink Mason and Sheila and watch them suffer, but it doesn’t help with her grand scheme at all. Then again, she is a child goddess, of course she wants to have fun. (26)
Chapter 4: Down in the Dumps
We are just going to skip this one! I think, eh… I think that would be best. (27)
I…. AM… the Almighty Poo
And I’M going to THROW my crud at YOU
I hail from, you see
People’s chocolate and pee
I’ll turn you into scat, you little brats!
What started off as a scary, but fun kids’ story has matured into Conker’s Bad Fur Day. Well, that’s the Gameverse for ya. (28)
We just got done with Mason and Sheila’s adventure, we’re already shrinking someone again?! Well, at least it’s cuter. (29)
However, the premise behind Anthony Ant doesn’t make sense because neither Vweeb or Arianna have reason to be here! Why not make him torture Minish and have Anthony learn to be a Minish? (30)
“Ah, well, this’ll be FUN.” Anthony yelled sarcastically, waving his arms.
Sally gently cupped her other hand over him. “Let’s go, Anthony.” She still kept her positive smile as they left for the exit.
Apparently, because of the incident in Minish Door, Cheren orders mini earpieces from GKND and gives them to all his sectors, which is why Anthony’s voice is still audible despite his size. Did Cheren actually know shrinking would be a common thing amongst his operatives? (31)
The breezy winds gently blew against Fybi’s smiling face and brushed past her frizzy hair, and the golden daytime sun shone brightly in the blue sky and warmed her body. As Anthony rode upon her shoulder, the winds were even stronger to his height as they flew, but not strong enough to blow him away.
But in the real world, Anthony should be blowing off and plummeting to his death at his size. (32)
The door slowly creaked open, and Anthony walked in. “Fybi… I know you might still be upset… but I really wish you’d come and hang out with us. You might not be able to fly anymore… but I really miss you, and, you’re my best friend, and…”
“Pray, speaketh no more.” Fybi spoke as she hopped off the bed. “’Tis true, I wast very upset. I didst not believe I could ever become hopeful again, having lost my true reasons for living. But mayhap… thou art all I need to liveth life with.” Fybi smiled. “Because thou art my best friend, too. And life wouldst be meaningless without thee.”
Much like First Day, this story should’ve just been a big one-shot, given how fast Fybi’s “character development” is. (33)
“Well… I won’t let them stop me again.” Medusa stated. “She can have her precious Lights… because I have plenty of Darknesses to spare, mmm hm hm hm hm hm…”
Medusa is a cocky bitch and her plans will ultimately fail. (34)
Stage 4: Moody Storm
Mission: Make your way through the storm and defeat Phosphora!
Too many Nextgen stages are Kid Icarus-based. Get creative! (35)
To everyone’s amazement, Fybi flew above the clouds with a brand new set of wings.
I’m adding 10 sins for this bullshit! If the gods can disregard their own laws and heal mortal injuries, there should be no conflict in this series! I wanna see Palutena get reprimanded! I’m still waiting for Grim to get punished for bringing Facilier and Team Jagar back to life. Well, maybe in Seven Lights. (45)
“Hey, gimme those!” Kimaya yelled, trying to pull the headphones back.
“You’ll not get these back ‘til you earn them-”
“I want ‘em NOW.”
“The first you can do is take a bath and-“
“Give ‘em BACK!”
“You will listen to me, stop complaining about what I cook, and-”
“FUCK YOU, MOM!”
I’ll remove a sin because Kami’s relationship with her daughter is the most realistic thing we’ve had in this series! I wish we could see more of it than Dillon/Nolan’s drama. (44)
“Still, compared with this new… well-mannered phase… I’m not sure which I’d take.” Kami talked to herself.
“Mmm… seems like somebody’s facing a little… regret.”
“Oh?” Kami glanced behind her. Sitting at the table behind her was some chubby being, shrouded in a tan cloak, the darkness of the bar hiding his figure. “Oh… it’s you.”
“It’s been a while…” the figure turned his head and spoke. A green-scaled snout stuck out of his hood. “I never thought I’d see you mature into a fine, young woman.”
What the hell is King K. Rool doing here? Stalking Kami? And she’s acting so casual about this. Is she hiding something? (45)
Pointless story SKIP! (46)
Maddy’s Sad Day
This one is actually good. But I hate the title! (49)
This story is kinda funny, but it’s worth skipping because nothing relevant happens. Also, some of the timeline changes happen because Jagar pulls some “God of Time” bullshit. (50)
“So, Dad, what is this robot?” Darcy asked, presenting the rusted automaton to her father in the attic.
“Oh, this thing?” Rainier took and studied the robot. “Oh, yeah. This is Scrapper. He’s this robot I found near the ruins on Planet Secco, back when I used to work for Watto. He’s centuries old. I’ve had him since I was young, and I’ve always wanted to get him working again. Too bad I couldn’t, though…”
And you won’t, because just like Scrapper’s appearance in Firstborn, his appearance in Nextgen is, you guessed it, SCRAPPED. (51)
I am the Night! I am the Darkness!
People who see me never pull through!
Sooon, you will kneel
To the VAMPIRE feel!
I am the Night
“I AM YOUR DEATH!” Nolan fell over when Dracula popped in front of him again. The Batman fell off the building, into a dumpster, jumping out as he hurried down a street.
Davy Jones already had this song! But Drac’s is better. (52)
Also, Batnolan runs like a pussy. (53)
“Ahh, Halloween! One of my favorite holidays. Do you know why, Arlon?” Viridi asked.
“Mmm, children dressing up as little monsters as they go from house to house, getting free candy?” Arlon replied.
“Um, no. It means that autumn’s beginning! When leaves change color, and plummet to the ground, as the winter approaches. And all the weak-willed humans SUFFER from the cold, ahh ha ha ha ha!”
“Mm, yes, yes, no one likes the cold.” Phosphora replied, smoothening her nails as usual. “But Halloween’s looking to be a little different this year. Check it out.”
When did Arlon and Phosphora escape from Arctic Prison, and how? (54)
“Hehe… sorry… this is still coming off as quite a shock to me.” Crystal said as she waved her hand a little. “This whole thing with flying on broomsticks, witch magic, and… King of Nightmares… I never really believed any of this was real.”
Then why did you fall in love with the KND’s old stories?! They were full of that shit! (55)
Wiccan: It’s much too straaange-
“There’s not much more that I can say.” Godmother said.
Wiccan: Will we run into Bellatrix Lestrange?
“Nope- s’ far as I can tell, she’s gone and hit the hay.”
Actually, she became an Arrancar and will be back! (56)
Maddy decided to follow Chris as he started to sing.
As you go through life, you’ll see
There’s so much that we… don’t understand
And the only thing we know
Is things don’t always go… the way we planned
“Hold on, what do you know? You’re just a kid.” Maddy reminded him.
“I watch a lot of Lion King.”
Come up with an original song! The other songs in this story may have had origins, but at least the lyrics were modified. (57)
“Miyuki, honey. Is everything okay? There’s still plenty of time for trick-or-treating, if you want.” Olive said.
“Yes, Mother… I think I will go see if Sector V is available…” With that, Miyuki stood up from her bed and slowly walked past her mother, leaving down the hall.
Why Sector V? Sector IC is your sector. That seems an awful long way to go for trick-or-treating. (I know what she’s up to, but still.) (58)
Also, shouldn’t Olive be onto this curse by now? Or is no one else dressing up where they live? (59)
The newly born Terry and Lola lay peacefully asleep in their little crib as Midna emerged from a shadow in the room. The Shadow Firstborn wobbled drunkily as she stood on the floor, holding a bottle of whiskey. “Boy, Nolan has got to try this, mmmm, new whiskey stuff.” she said with a burp.
A god can be affected by mortal brews. (60)
“You can’t do this to me! I am Darkrai! The Nightmare King!”
“Sorry, Darkrai. We work for Count Dracula now.” A Kibble Knight told him.
By drinking Kaleo’s blood, Dracula therefore drank Darkrai’s “blood” and gained control of Darkrai’s possessions, including Nightmare Land. This is total bullshit!
First off, couldn’t he have drunk from any other Nightmare with blood? Surely Kaleo couldn’t be the only one, and he was only half-Nightmare. Earlier he tried to drink Virginia’s blood, but couldn’t because she was part-vampire. (61)
And even so, the Nightmares are total assholes for just betraying their king like that! They can’t be under a mind-control spell because Customer Service was still loyal. So it’s like they always wanted to betray Darkrai. This scenario makes me believe Kaleo would’ve inherited Nightmare Land if things played right. (62)
Crystal shot her eyes open and cried, “EXPECTO… PATRONUM!”
Crystal’s staff exploded with a powerful light that shot up through the clocktower. Just before Count Dracula could finish Nolan, he turned and stared wide-eyed at the explosion of light. “EEEUUUUAAAAHHH!” His eyes burned from the brightness, and his skin began to sizzle.
It’s kind of weird that a spell which is the embodiment of good feelings destroys a vampire instead of a spell that produces sunlight. (63)
A slim, shadowed man kicked open the doors to a darkened chamber. There was a toothpick in his mouth, and he was flipping a nickel. “We’ve gotta problem, Mama. Our secret teddy base was blown ta smithereens.”
“Whhhaaaaat?” A huge, husky, shadowed female hissed with anger. “I gave Stewie all of the supplies he needed. How could he have lost?”
What the hell was Stewie doing with that Conker’s Bad Fur Day bullshit? Nothing that ever gets mentioned again later. (64)
“Oh, Crystal!” Wiccan stopped and turned when Scary Godmother approached her. “When you performed that Patronus Charm… what did you think about?”
Crystal smiled and glanced in Nolan’s direction. “When I first met Nolan…” she said with a blush.
Too bad we never get to see that. (65)
Dillon’s smile disappeared when nobody seemed to be listening. “Come on, guys! Show a little more enthusiasm! That guy wasn’t easy to beat!”
“Okay, we get it, Dillon, he’s gone now.” Chris told him, his eyes focused on his 3DS. “But some of us are a little worn out.”
Everybody is uncharacteristically being a dick to Dillon because this story needs a plot. (66)
“This is the H.E.A.D.-S.E.T. II that I modeled after my first one, which was destroyed by Darth Genious. I want you to have it.”
Dillon smiled with amazement and took the device in his hands. “Ya mean it, Dad?”
“Sure I do!” Nolan smiled. “This thing was always precious to me. I never trusted it to anyone. Now, I want you to have it to help on your way to being a great operative. It contains links to all files in the Kids Next Door. Make sure to use it wisely.”
Dillon nodded excitedly. “Okay, Dad! I won’t let you down!”
The H.E.A.D.-S.E.T. II never appears again after this story! (67)
“How do you know about the H.E.A.D.-S.E.T.?” Dillon asked XANA.
“Your father and I were… good friends during our time. He promised to divulge me the secrets of development of the H.E.A.D.-S.E.T., but he never returned. ...Perhaps you could…”
This lie shouldn’t work on Dillon because Nolan would’ve mentioned XANA to Dillon by now. (68)
Its face sparked to life, his head spinning as XANA wobbled around in his robotic body.
“Bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!” it sparked. “Whoa, need to get used to that!” XANA said in a higher pitched voice. He looked down at Dillon and said, “This is a more physical body I designed for myself sometime in the past. A good Program needs its exercise.”
XANA went from silent antagonist to MCP-ripoff to cliché cackly supervillain. (69)
With a long, tired yawn, Dillon was about to lie back down. But as his head touched the ground, facing directly upward, a little girl’s face loomed over his. “GYAAAAHH!” He jumped up and backed away.
“HA! Scaredja!” the girl exclaimed.
Suddenly, Vanellope. (70)
“It’s not all bad, Nol. Your son admires you more than anyone, you know that.”
“I never even wanted a son!”
Dillon was immediately struck. Tears started to well up in his eyes. The boy turned and bolted down the stairs, and out the door to his home.
The Nolan/Dillon dramas are not only overdone, they’re forced. Good thing this is the last time. (71)
“Then I’ll have to confront XANA in the virtual world and try and hack him directly.” Dillon decided.
“It’s probably dangerous in there, so I think I better go with you.” Chris offered.
“And since we still don’t really trust you, we’re coming, too.” Zach stated.
In reality, Chris, Zach, and Maddy have no business coming other than to give them publicity. (72)
“Vanellope, how could you trick me like that?” Dillon asked. “I thought you were my friend.”
“I am your friend, Dillon. I wanted to fix my glitch so we could spend more time together, and I didn’t think you’d help if you knew.”
“Well, maybe you shoulda thought about it. Now the whole world’s in danger because of me. A real friend wouldn’t let that happen.”
Dillon, you’re just as guilty for giving XANA The Source! Why is all the drama in this story forced? (73)
“Attention prisoners of Cybernetic Prison. Anyone caught toying with Aura Knight figurines will be chopping virtual stones that never really break no matter how much you hit them.”
Back then, the Fanverse had the potential to sell figurines! (74)
I have to be honest, Gamewizard did a good job writing these stages using the Zelda style. The worlds were fun and the puzzles were excellent. Definitely one of the best as far as the videogame pattern goes. So remove 5 sins. (69)
But I’ll add a sin for cramming too many long stages into one chapter. (70) And one for sloppy character development. (71) I’ll do a full analysis of this story later.
Viridi’s Last Stand
“So, Anthony, how do you like the Minish World so far?” Chiri asked as she walked with Anthony through an emptier region of the forest.
“Ehh, it’s okay.” Anthony said, not looking interested at all. “But how long do I have to STAY like this?”
Yes, because this should’ve been the plot of Anthony Ant. (72)
“Oi, Cheren-chaaan!” Chimney yelled; her face sporting her usual wide, hyperactive grin. “Why we PLANNIN’ the assault when we don’ know where the homeworld iiis!”
“Gyom-gyooom!” her rabbit, Gonbe agreed.
And the One Piece obsession kicks in. (73) But it was when Gamewizard started watching One Piece that these stories became better, so maybe it was a good thing.
“QUICKLEH, everybody!” Numbuh 2=1, Leader of Sector KB of the Okama Kids Next Door, exclaimed. “Play the national anthem to MIIIAMI!”
With Sector KB, DR, and W7, we now have three sectors based off of One Piece? (Okay, I know it’s just Bon Clay for KB, but still, that’s too much.) (74)
“I may not be a good fighter... but if there’s one thing my sister can't beat, it’s her brother getting on her nerves. That’s why I was saving THIS!” Zach whipped out and raised a strange ball of white powder, wrapped in rope.
Zach was tired of being the bland character he was first meant to be and decided to do like Bo-bobo! His development is greater than Maddy’s. (75)
Sin Total: 75
Sentence: SHRUNK FOR A DAY
Hello, guys, it's me, Gamewizard2008, also known as the King of Crossovers. I'm the author of the Gameverse series, a massive crossover series in the FanFiction archive. All of my stories are in my deviantART gallery in chronological order, so check them out if you want. I also draw pictures of my characters and scenes from my stories.
Here's a link to my FanFiction profile. www.fanfiction.net/u/2421321/G…
Fanfic friends: , Numbuh 6.13 (Mika), , , Dynamite Girl, , , AzureSkyMoon